Sunday, January 27, 2008

You're here!


Aren't you beautiful? Aren't you lovely? Aren't you wonderful?

Before having your second child, any parent would be lying to you if they said that they didn't have slight concerns in the wee hours of the night as they pondered the arrival of numero dos. Concerns such as:

Will I love this baby as much as I love Lily?

Where will the new baby's carseat go? Lily's car seat is in the middle of my car, and hence in the technically safest place. The new baby will now occupy this seat. Am I admitting that I value the safety of my second child due to her fragile and very new nature over the safety of my precious Lily? Why are there no second middle seats? Double middle seats?!!!

And although you have been assured by countless parents that yes, indeed, you will love the second as much as the first, you never really, fully believe it. You reserve a small corner of your mind for the doubt that says you just might be the one soul-less freak of nature that has a love capacity limit, one that has already been filled.

And then it happened...after hours of miserable, vomiting, shaking contractions and a desire to check out of human existence rather than go on...they held you up. You were here. And it was instant. So instant it sounds silly and cliche but nonetheless I speak the honest truth when I say it was instant. Your face, your body, that little crinkled and almost angry little cry as they held you up to your new life , your new family, your new adoring and admittedly obsessive mother.

And you are perfect. So blessedly perfect.

When Lily was born, as she has grown I continually think "Oh, she is so perfect. She is exactly what I would have wanted my daughter to be. I love her looks. I love her personality. I love her sassy spunk and darling attitude and golden little curls. I couldn't ask for more."
And yet since you have arrived, I marvel that I am saying the same thing: "You are so perfect! Exactly what I would have picked my daughter to look like, exactly the sweet disposition I would have wanted a daughter to have. I love your eyes and your dark head of hair. I couldn't ask for more."
Apparently perfection doesn't have just one definition. Love like this really doesn't have a capacity. And now late at night, instead of worrying whether or not I will be able to love you both equally, I can sleep soundly knowing that you both have a mother that loves you both individually more that words will ever express. And if something were ever to happen to this obsessive and adoring mother, you two will always have each other.
My two perfect, darling little girls.
I couldn't have asked for more...


Joan Koplin said...

Isn't two SO fun. I love watching Jimmie interact with Max. Today during prayer he walked over to Max and helped him fold his arms. Priceless moments everyday...we truly are blessed beyond measure.
Enjoy London. I feel like Max is already a big longer my newborn. It really does pass so quickly and it's so much fun.

Amy said...

I would like you to know that Laina, Shinae, Jamie and I are all crowded around my computer ooing and ahhing over your beautiful little girls. We're happy that you posted but understand that the priority is to live all these moments, and write about them if you have some extra time. :)

Laina Louise said...

Rae! I'm so excited that you have FINALLY updated your blog! Although, I am be bad at writing comments (I think I've only done it once - sorry) I check it religiously and always hope to learn something new about your exciting life. I know you think we are trendy, city living single girls (which we are) and are too busy to care about your family, but we do. The truth is, I think you are way more daring and adventurous than we can ever be and I admire your strength. I only hope that someday I too can have two little girls as precious as yours. Love you Rae! ~ Elle

Rae's Corner said...

Joanie dear-
I love that our lives are almost mirrors of each other (does that make sense?)- my two girls, your two boys...and it is so hilarious and cute that you told that story about James. No joke, the other night Lily did the EXACT same thing. She wouldn't let us pray because she insisted London needed to fold her arms! I love it! James and Lily need to meet. If only we lived close enough to have regular play groups!

Amy- thank you for checking and commenting on my blog! Thank you for validating my life and making me feel unique...I can't wait to come see your little Sex in the City house and life in March

Laina- I am soooo sad you are moving to New York! I wanted to see you before you go, but I guess you are leaving in Feb. :( I am so flattered you say you keep up on my blog, honestly. We will stay in touch hopefully through it, and through email and through our lovely Shinae as always. We'll all miss you! This is like the end of an era!!!! But I'm excited for the new chapter as well, there is always more good to come. luv you!