Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Why?

She has a five week old infant.
She has been married for a little over a year.
She was just barely diagnosed.
Too quickly, this past week she passed from this earthly existence.

Why? A question I mull over in my mind late at night as I wipe tears over a sweet person who had every reason to continue living...living here...on earth....now. I am so sad. I didn't know her well on a personal level, but have known her family all my life. She had an unmistakable sweetness about her. Her family is one of the kindest and most charitable bunch of people I know. And now they are sad, and missing her. I literally hurt and ache for them.

It seems trivial and self serving to compose a stupid little blog about such enormous an issue, and I'm really not attempting to make any good sense of it. It just feels like a sort of betrayal to write about anything else than what has largely been on my mind and heart lately. If this happened to my sister or loved one, I would be insulted that the world continues to turn, that people continue to go about their day without taking notice that mine has just crumbled to pieces.

Mostly, I feel angry right now. In a moment of rationale, logic, and faith I have to say I truly believe and see that everything has its purpose. But in a moment of reflection on what this means to her family, to the new infant she will not hold in this physical mortality, to her new and very young husband, I see nothing but piercing grief. As C.S. Lewis stated, "It's hard to see clearly when your eyes are blurred with tears."

So for the moment I'm going to cry. Cry for them and their pain. Cry for her. Cry for me. I'm just going to cry. The answers will come later, I do believe that...even through the tears.

5 comments:

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Amy said...

Rae,

I'm so sorry for them and for you. I can't imagine.

I'll see you this weekend.

Joan Koplin said...

Sigh...posts like this keep things in perspective, for sure. I mean, here I am on my blog bragging about my perfect little baby boy while this brand new mom and dad just lost there baby.
Thank goodness for the Gospel...and the beautiful, peaceful promise they can cling to during their sadness: she is theirs to enjoy into the eternities.

Rae's Corner said...

Thank you for your comments everyone
Joan- I think I confused you- it is actually the mother that passed away. She was a sweet girl that was in her early twenties. She died of cancer and left behind her husband and new little infant. Completely heartbreaking. Anyways, thanks for your sweet comments!

MOM said...

Why? A natural question for such a tragedy. Some times we are left to wonder and walk this journey without all the answers. It is not the why but the how. How she lived, how she left her mark, how we and others will remember her.
Love Mom