Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The Mission

Bond. Rachel Bond.

A mission has been assigned. If you should choose to accept this mission, you will precede with execution in 0:900 hours. It will be no easy task. You must dupe the undupe-able, out snoop the seemingly outsnoopable...

Your target: Mother of eight children, grandmother of two. Two words: total hottie. Has been registered under the name of, "Ga-Ma, Mom, Mommy, Alexis, Mama, Sexy Lexy, Hun, and Chick". Turning 48 this year, yet difficult to quickly spot because she looks nothing like her age. Disgustingly kind. Unbelievably friendly. Overwhelmingly selfless. A challenge to surprise...as she is a known "snooper". Openly admits to unscrupulously "Lying for the greater good of her children" when caught red-handed, holding an open handwritten note from her teenage child's love interest...claiming:
"Larissa must have pulled it out of your backpack! I just found it open here, on your bedroom floor!" (Poor Larissa...at the time an innocent, two-year old victim of false accusation)

Your Mission: Surprise her with a birthday weekend at one of her favorite destinations: Carmel-by-the-Sea. After extensive research, it has been discovered that she has been pining for this particular get-away for sometime...stating that "Cruising down Big Sur in a convertible while blasting Earth, Wind, and Fire" is on her new 'Bucket List'.

In order to accomplish this mission, we are sending you capable reinforcements to be employed at your discretion:

1. Mr. Hansen's credit card and signature of approval. You will find Mr. Hansen a man of impeccable generosity and kindness...especially when it comes to the above mentioned target...whom he retains a particular woozy crush on.

2. Sarah Anne. Arriving in Carmel will require some style, and for style you must consult the best:

3. London Lu. Having this chubby, happy infant will undoubtedly assure success in whatever mission you embark on.

4. Joan Koplin's playlist on her blog, burned onto CD's to enjoy while driving. A special thanks is due to Mrs. Koplin, as she was an unaware donor to this mission.

The surprise! element is absolutely necessary as target has been known to purposefully back out of many pre-planned, self indulgent opportunities...citing reasons such as:
"Ohhh, I canceled that facial gift certificate because on the morning I was scheduled to get it, I found out Ms. Melarkey's cat passed away. You know that nice old lady we ran into that one time in the grocery store, right, Ms. Malerkey? She's the one with the daughter Ruth who has the little girl with reading disabilities who we dropped off those Christmas gifts to a year back. Well, come to find out the grocery cashier told me that her cat died recently and apparently she was devastated. Seeing how she was so fond of it I thought I would go search and buy her a new one after I dropped off the lunch that Larissa forgot on the kitchen counter at school while I was on my way to get Forrest's violin repaired with Lily and London, who I'm watching since Rachel woke up and and mentioned she wasn't feeling well this morning after I got off the phone with Dad after arranging his latest radio promotion. Turns out the darn cat was a specialty Siamese...so I went back to the office and tried on Ebay to buy one using my American Express points. Only to pay with the points I found out I needed to handle it over the phone, so after three hours of being on the phone with a consultant I realized I was going to be twenty minutes late to my appointment. It's ok, I'll just get that facial later."

Armed with above mentioned enforcement, you will launch your surprise attack early Saturday morning (morning of target's "supposed" forty-eighth birthday- difficult to verify as previously mentioned that she looks nothing like her biological timeclock). You will travel in desired convertible, rented for a weekend to be whisked away to the sea. So she doesn't mistake the rented convertible for being her actual purchased birthday present, make sure Sarah Anne constantly, most involuntarily and without instruction begins screaming "It's a rental! Mom, it's a rental!!! It's a rentaaallll!!!!" as you pull into the driveway honking, blasting away none other than her beloved Earth, Wind & Fire CD.

Once you have arrived, inform her that she has thirty minutes to pack and hit the road with you.
Before you depart, it is imperative that Mr. Hansen become completely picture crazy happy, and take photos of you all at every conceivable angle.

Hotel accommodations have already been made on Ocean Ave., ensuring easy accessibility to shopping, eating, and perusing the cute neighborhoods. Once you arrive in Carmel, indulge in fine food, shopping, and rest. But most important...put the convertible top down, and head down Big Sur with music blasting and lots of girly dancing....so she can cross that one item off of her " bucket list" (a list which still has endless amounts of to-do's...so don't worry about her kicking the bucket anytime soon).



MOM said...

You must admit my life is something out of a fairy tale! That is why I love Carmel, and that is why I love all of you. Thanks for making my dreams come true...having all of you is my dream - the rest is just the icing on the cake! (German chocolate cake of course).
What you and Sarah didn't realize is that I had a devious plan in all of this...to expose you both to GREAT MUSIC: Earth Wind and Fire. The covertible and the ocean were just my bait - gotcha!

MOM said...

P.S...Joan thank you so much for the awesome music you had on your blog...I fell in love with it one evening while reading your blogs (which are as wonderful as you and your adorable family). I happened to mentioned how I wanted to burn the music onto a c.d. but didn't know how, and the next thing I know, my wonderful son-in-law Tyler stays up until 1am the morning before the "mission" to make sure I had the c.d.s in the Mustang! (So thanks to Tyler too!)

Joan Koplin said...

NO WAY! Only the Hansen sisters could pull this off! I laughed out loud when I saw the scarves on your heads. Straight out of a movie. Hilarious. And I could totally hear Sara shouting, "IT'S A RENTAL MOM, A RENTAL!"
This entire post was just a delight to read and I'm so honored my blog play list accompanied you on your adventure.
Happy Birthday, Alexis...you young, hot Mom.

Amy said...

It looks straight out of a movie! Love it! And love you guys!

Such a fun post Rae!!!

Jacob Hansen said...

AHHHHH How fun. Looks like you guys had a blast and london is soooooo cute and fat. I miss her!!!! send me more pictures!!!