Friday, August 1, 2008

Liar Liar pants on fire....

I told Lily today that if she eats her boogies, spiders could start growing in her tummy.

I've warned her that if she doesn't immediately follow London and I (and my arm full of groceries) into the house from the car, instead of bolting immediately for the street through the open garage door, the car alarm will sound off.

She also thinks that there is an invisible man at every retail store or restaurant, ready to come over and scold her if she begins misbehaving. "Lily, you better stop screaming...or else The Man is going to come." Hmmmm, wonder who told her that?

I can see it in her questioning eyes too, as she stares back at me intently - her eyes a mixture of half defiance, half fearful with a hint of "Sometimes this lady knows what she's talking about."

And then comes the shame. The shame of being such a liar of a parent.
Is this wrong? What am I teaching?
As I've mentioned before in previous posts, my mother always said, "She lies for the greater good of her children."
(Clarification: She will lie to her children, not to others, for the greater good...such as the time she swore up and down she didn't know where my little shorts went, only to find them years later stuffed in the back corner of her closet. Or another time, as a child, when I asked about a certain aspect of the male anatomy after hearing a particular term coined from a peer, to which she responded that the term had something to do with a broken ankle. Seriously?! A broken ankle!? This is admittedly embarrassing on two fronts as it is a true testament of the inherent simplicity of her daughter's brain and her ridiculously cunning ability to relate nothing to almost anything)

While I shrivel with a solid swallow of self pride to admit it, I think she may be....just may be right. Or not.

But by golly, I'll do anything to keep my kid from eating boogers. It's one of those things you swear as a parent your child will never do.


Joan Koplin said...

Mouth wide open laughing right out loud. Amen to lies for the greater good. You, my dear were a comedian in your previous life.

jenniferoharra said...

I'm sure I'll do this too Rachel. I'm also worried that I will bribe my kids like I did my little sisters. When I would babysit them, I would give them junk food if they would go to bed. So I'm worried that not only will I lie to my kids but I'll have fat kids too because I will keep bribing them to do things. I swear I won't but we'll see.