Friday, August 8, 2008

Necessity : Mother of My Invention

Or my new dining room hutch.

I hate poverty. Der, uh, I mean quasi-poverty, as I am a firm believer that no American knows what true poverty is. However, with that being said... we can't really afford to furnish this oh-so-beautiful shell of a home. But I want a dining room hutch. I take that back, I need a dining room hutch. I am suffocating from wanting one so badly, and hence physiologically speaking, my continued well-being now requires that I own one. Something that would jump out of Real Simple magazine, or Pottery Barn. One that looks black and polished with a hint of antique. One to display beautiful crisp, white china.

AND. I. WANT. NO, NEED. IT. NOW.

So, what's a girl to do?

CRAIGLIST. EIGHTY BUCKS. PURCHASE SOMETHING THAT THE 1970'S VOMITED.

Taaaa ddaaaa:




Gotta love the brassy hardware. But, it is real wood. Walnut, to be precise.

Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I liked the straight lines. So I thought, remove the doors. Sand the wood. Paint the wood. Polish the wood. Sand the edges. Just like Paige Davis, with a smile.

Yeah right, NOT THAT EASY. I could strangle those designers in the TLC Do-it-yourself programs who deceitfully make you believe you can tackle any at home project in your stilettos. I won't lie. It wasn't easy. After FOUR trips to home depot in one day, and one very disturbing phone conversation with the store manager:

"Excuse me, I'd like to speak to the manager."

"Hello, this is Clint, how can I help you?"

"Ah yeah, Clint...I just came into your store for the fourth time today. I am covered from head to toe in paint and polyacrylic spray...polyacrylic spray recommended to me from your guy in the paint department. The same polyacrylic spray that splattered all over my painted hutch, the hutch I've been working on for hours, only to now be completely destroyed because the spray can spit giant polyacrylic CHUNKS all over my wood! It has be sanded off, and hence is destroying my paint. I came back, and Mr. guy in the paint department gave me a new can of the same spray...which is now also spitting chunks AGAIN. So Clint, I have two babysitters and 7 hours wasted in this blasted and heaven forsaken "project" that was only SUPPOSED to take me a couple of hours! I can't seem to get anything done. And what I do get done gets ruined. How is it possible to have two children and get anything done around here!? I have black spray paint in my hair follicles. What am I gonna do now, Clinster? Huh? What?! Whaaaaaat?!!"

" Um, (stutter stutter...obviously trembling fear of crazy customer on the other line, poor man) I'm very sorry Ma'am, what can I do to make this better for you?"

"Oh, I don't know, nothing really.
I guess I just needed someone to talk to."

"Would a fifty dollar store credit help?"

"Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt."


There is NOTHING easy about this stuff. But, I am finished....

Ready for the big reveal....

Keep scrolling....

Keep scrolling....

Keep scrolling....

Drum roll please....

Drum still rolling...

Okay okay okay....



Taaa daaaaa! Finished product.





Add new hardware, a dash of white china ($2-7 finds from TJ Maxx), a couple of baskets, and whaaa laaa:




Do you like it (if you don't, please lie, or else you might get a phone call as well)???

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow, you sure good at everything aren't you. Just keep showing off. Look at me I am such a great writer, fabulous mother, and amazing designer. Must be nice to be you, perfect an all.

Rae's Corner said...

Anonymous,

I will warn you now...

Great writer = honest writer. Not great. Terrible grammar to boot.

Fabulous mother = Did you read the post on me scaring my child into thinking insects grow within' her stomach to avoid booger consumption?
I can't add

Amazing designer = after this hutch. I'm going to take that credit. So thanks.

Additionally, I can't add without a calculator.
I tend towards judgmental & obsessive complusive.
I am stubborn.

However, if my hutch gives the illusion of perfection, I'm all for it. So thanks!

Thanks for the compliment, but I don't deserve it.

:)

Rae

Rae's Corner said...

MY HUSBAND IS A BUTTHEAD.

That was HIS anonymous comment. I can't believe he let me ramble on...
I just had to respond because it sounded so semi-nice/ semi "who do you think you are Ms. wannabe perfect?"

Perfect is an ugly word to me.

He got a good laugh.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Rae's Corner said...

What do I care anyways, this is a commentary between just the two of us?

Love ya hunnie...

And yes...our hutch is amazing and you and all your "guy-ness" will never be able to appreciate it in all it's colonial naked glory.

Daron and Jamee said...

My motto is, "If all else fails, paint it black." It has worked every time! It worked for you too. It's amazing!! Someday when I buy furniture and am decorating, I will need you to help me. Really. J-me

Amy said...

Jennie and I are looking at this hutch w/ our mouths gaping open!! That looks amazing Rae. And that was a good one Tyler.

We could really mess with your mind............

Joan Koplin said...

Look at you Miss Domestic Diva!?! WOw, Rae. I am not shocked (b/c I know as much as you self deprecate you are amazingly talented in the decor dept. among others--hello!?!?! you transformed our drab, tiny room into a Persian palace, for heaven sake!) but I am impressed with your work. Your house is looking quite lovely, my dear.

Joan Koplin said...

Blast it, Rae! Shame on you for telling me about Oreo Cakesters! They are ALL I think about now!It is SO pathetically sad but true. I bought a box on Saturday night and just finished the last package! That is 1500 calories of Oreo bliss in about a day! SIIIICKKK! I need to visit just so we can sit and eat together! I enjoy eating with you more than anyone else :)

Lacy said...

You are so cute. I suck at commenting but I read your blogs. Beautiful hutch, you remind me of my mom. Her favorite thing to do is go to garage sales, buy old ugly things and make them cute, and she is good at it. I love your blogs. Your girls are beautiful, I hope I have your life someday!!!!! I sucked at my first blog, I was writing for other people to read, but now I have another one where I just write for me....So I will try and keep it a little more updated. Hope that all is well...Hug Ty and kiss the girls. Miss you xoxo Lacy

Joan Koplin said...

Okay, so I have come to the conclusion that Oreo Cakesters are repulsive. The cream filling I'm convinced is straight crisco with a little sugar. SIIICK! I HATE, hate, H-A-T-E them! Yes, I have officially gorged myself to the point of not wanting them ANYMORE! NEVER EVER EVER!