Monday, December 1, 2008

Dashing through the snow

Or through the rather dry northern California/Nevada border in a no- horse, non-open Honda Pilot went the whole Hansen/Haack clan:

We'll begin with the lovely car ride.
The eternally long car ride winding through hills only to be turned away by multiple PRIVATE PROPERTY signs and one angry guy on a four-wheeler.
Sarah sneakily turning up the heater nauseatingly higher, Mom protesting that her lack of body fat (proper insulation) was no fault of ours.
Mallory's complaints of carsickness.
Sarah telling Mallory she is just fine.
Larissa (9 year-old) threatening to beat Sarah (20 year-old) up for bossing Mallory around.
Lily and London watching the Polar Express.
Rachel lamenting the dark and freaky nature of the computerized characters featured IN the Polar Express. And why, for the love, is every character Tom Hanks?
Jacob waxing philosophical, beginning an in-depth discussion about "Judging other People":

Jacob: " All I'm saying is, people judge each other entirely too often based off of the material possessions they accumulate, and then equate their worth with 'stuff'."

Sarah: " Yeah, I agree."

Jacob: " Which is exactly what I'm trying to tell you, Sarah, I'm saying people judge too much over the wrong things."

Rachel: "Yeah, I agree."

Sarah: "I agree."

Jacob: "Which is what I'm saying... that people too often judge others over material possessions."

Sarah: "I said I agree, Jacob."

Rachel: "So did I. I agree. I agree. I agree."

Jacob: "Well, I was just trying to get you guys to see that people are too judgmental."


Mom: "Ok, I'm sure this is the road we need to take."

"Mom, how could that be the road?? It leads towards the sagebrush and AWAY from the mountain with trees."

Mom: "Fine, you just take whatever road you want Ms. Smartypants."

1/2 hour later, after taking yet another WRONG road...

Mom: "I told you guys."

"And yet, it still doesn't make your road, the road leading to the sagebrush the right road. Two wrong roads don't make a right."

2 hours later, after lots of winding up and down and all around....

Rachel: "Oh my gosh! A huge mud puddle? Should I just drive through it?!!!!"

Sarah: "We're going to die."

Rachel: "We won't die. I brought my 72 hour kits with us. We can live off of those if we get stuck."

Jacob: "I'm embarrassed you're my sisters."

Mom: "Rachel! For pete's sake drive through, I didn't raise a bunch of wimps for daughters."

(*If you're wondering where the rest of the gang is...they are in the car behind us, listening to Harry Potter on tape.)

Later, we finally find a forest. Not really a Christmas tree forest, but a smattering of some sort of pine...

"Uggg...I wish Dad was here." (Ira was unfortunately out of commission for the tree cutting festivites...)

"Yeah, at least he would be able to tell us where the christmas trees were based off of some random bush and the scent of the dirt or something."

After much trudging, climbing, whining, and misery we stumble upon a couple of "sorta" Christmas trees.

Mom (the ever optimist): "Well, these look nice! How about this?"

"But we need like four of these."

"At this point, I'm good. I'll just cut that bush over there, throw on a few lights and nobody will be able to tell."

"Yeah, we are like seriously going to die out here. It's getting dark."

"I still have my 72 hour kits."

"I'm embarrassed you are my sisters."

When out of nowhere.....vvvvvrroooom, vvrrrrooooom , vvvrroooooom....zooming past us are three huge SUV's hauling the most insanely cool Christmas trees ever.....

Mom : "STOP THOSE CARS!!!!!!!!! STOP THOSE CARSSS!!!!!!!!! WAAAIIIT!!!" (the shrillness of her voice revealing that yes, even Pollyanna herself had become somewhat desperate)

Shrieking and running we managed to hault the last vehicle, and kindly begged them to release the locale of their amazing trees. They kindly told us.

Moral of the story: We finally got a tree. It looks great. And we ate Scoopers afterwards for dinner. Merry Christmas. The end.


Daron and Jamee said...

Family activities, you gotta love 'um!

By the way, Lily and the other girls in preschool today were fighting over one of Darons gun catalogs. Lily won, and told everyone she needed to take it home to her dad.

Tyler, Lily is sending major hints your way for a nice Christmas present for you this year.


Daniel said...


As a former singer of the smash Christmas hit: "Merry Christmas From Nevada", you should be perfectly content with a large sagebrush or Juniper for a tree. Secondly, I agree with Jacob. Thirdly, I am slightly embarrassed that you are all my sisters too... fourthly, Dad would have known the proper tree place based on the local plant communities miles from the actual trees and also would have pointed out the bobcat turds in the road on the approach, fifthly, you didn't cut Ali & I a tree so we have to stoop and purchase a tree from some dingy parking lot.

Merry Christmas.

Jacob Hansen said...

Thanks Dan. It was pretty sad when upon approaching a small puddle in the road Sarah and Rachel screamed with fear. Also Sarah did not agree with me, and I was obliged to give a brotherly lesson! And the part missing in this story is that we were lost until Jacob finally took command and lead everyone to the trees! Also they left out the part about me hauling up all THREE TREES that were freaking huge, up a mountain to the car. So Dan sorry if I was unable to carry a Fourth GIANT TREE up to the car so you wouldnt have to go to a parking lot to get ur tree.....

Merry Christmas


Amy said...

Families stuck w/ each other in a car, lost = great blog material.