Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Resolutions


The funny thing about New Year's resolutions, in my experience, is that nobody is impartial to them. They either 1) have a list ready made with such glorious anticipation they actually pen the items while already getting a headstart tread on the elliptical, or 2) hate them, and claim to be completely above the absurdities of making resolutions they don't intend to keep. This year, I'm falling somewhere in between. I'm never sure what exactly I'll keep, but pleased that I've made a list:

1. Stop hating January.
Lily's birth is the only wonderful thing I can come up with about this month. I really think I probably suffer from Seasonal affective disorder and January is the unfortunate scapegoat for my lack of Vitamin D. Ever since childhood, I've simply despised and felt a strange sense of sadness during this month. I distinctly remember declaring, "I hate January" on a cold afternoon driving home with my family when I was around 10 or so. My Dad responded with his very frank and slightly perplexed, "Why would you hate January? It is a perfectly good month and there is nothing you can do about it anyways so why would you hate it?" Such clarity. I don't know, Dad, but I'm sure the answer will someday be discovered in the same pocket of the universe that houses the reason you sported a handlebar mustache for a solid 3+ years.


2. Be a nicer person.
Generic as all get-out, I must say. But so true....what the world's needs now...is love...sweet love....
Who wants kindness when there is juicy delicious gossip!?! Self righteousness and judgement!? Ahhhhhhh!.

3. Exercise more.
Or at least once. "More" would imply that "some" was actually occurring. It's just hard to muster the strength to work out if I'm not morbidly obese. I see no reason to part with Funfetti cupcakes and an extra hour's sleep for perfection. (I think poor Tyler might have another opinion.)
Addendum to resolution #3 : Come up with resolutions more original than exercise.

4. Realize that I can't have it all.

I should really say "accept' that I can't have it all. I already do "realize". This is the hardest part. I'm not sure if I'll ever master this resolution. Deep down, in the dark corner of my ambitious soul there is a voice telling me that the women who have tried this/that/theother and have failed to manage it all perfectly simply didn't remember to try it this/that/theother way - but, maybe I do have that little something something of what it takes to make everything work like a well greased wheel. Consequently, I overextend myself on a regular basis and end up shrieking and sobbing like a freak at my husband or children at the most inopportune times. I'll start eliminating and substituting here and there:

Instead of...perfect house, extra money, lovely hair, new jeans, Lily and London's crisply pressed and matching outfits, fabulous Young Women's lesson, bachelor's degree, organized cupboards, content husband, a brisk jog, spiritual nourishment, organically prepared meals...

I'll try...messy house, lovely hair, brisk jog, content husband, fabulous Young Women's lesson, Lily in those dirty white church shoes she adores so, and tuna fish sandwiches for dinner.

5. Soak it up.
I'm actually good at this. I feel like I've savored my children's childhood and husband to the last goody drop. But there is still plenty of room for improvement - plenty more to guzzle.

6. Stop swearing.

To my LDS (Mormon) readers, I might have just as well admitted to being a stripper. Not because I think they would judge me, but because of the standard (to which I completely agree with) I hold myself to. Here you have a girl (me), raised by the most ladylike and gracious woman known to the female sex (my mother), cursing like a dirty sailor when her temper flares up (known to occur on a somewhat regular basis)? I often sit in Sunday school shame-faced as the latest meal sign-up is handed to me from a fellow lovely and charitable Mormon woman, and all I can think in my head was, "I said the 'sh' word yesterday when I spilled ranch dressing everywhere, oh yeah...and later referred to so-and-so as a 'complete a**' (*ahh, swearing coupled with judgement to boot - excellent combo - and for the record I didn't say it around my children. But have been caught in the act, I guess...Nonna informed me one day that Lily stepped on her scale while visiting at her house, and promptly repeated the words, "Damn it." I'm not going to claim total responsibility for that one, nothing can be proven 100% - but there is a slight possibility that she may have overheard her mother's previous conversations with her own scale during a morning weigh in. )
Take it from me, nothing is more unattractive in this world than the following two things:

1. English teeth

and

2. People (especially females) using foul and grotesque language

7. Read, read, read. And turn off the television.



8. Be better than I was in 2008.



Hardly a comprehensive list. Still, a decent place to start. 2009, here I come.

6 comments:

Kimberlee St. Clair said...

I have read multiple sections out loud to my brother/sister in law and husband. In fact, my bro in law thinks you are so witty and funny that he wants to quote your post on his radio show tomorrow (saturday) morning. CALL MEEEEEE! I will email you my number in case you don't have it.
Died laughing at this post. You NEVER disappoint, Rae.

Kimberlee St. Clair said...

THIS IS JOANIE...NOT Kimberlee St. Clair (that's B's sister..her husband is the one that wants to use your material on his radio show).

Joan said...

So, this is REALLY Kimberlee St. Clair! AHHHH! I laughed hysterically...and now, my dearest husband is going to quote you on statewide (Utah, none the less!) radio! And damn it, it's going to be good!

Rae's Corner said...

Lol- I'm so flattered!

Vitality radio, here I come! Thanks for my big break!


rae

Cameron said...

Regarding goal #6, Tyler has given some great lessons in church to the young men about swearing. Maybe he can share the lesson with you too.

Rae's Corner said...

Cameron-

I am humiliated that you know about this blog! Any fellow neighbors that actually know me and see me on a regular basis at church should NOT know about this blog! Lol.

Thanks...I'll have Tyler give me a lesson as long as you please don't tell Natalie on me...she is my idol and I don't want her disappointed!