Friday, January 9, 2009

Plumbing paradise


Sample Day #1

Phone rings at house this morning.

Cas (Hansen and Sons' Plumbing office staff):

"Goodmorning Rae...I was just wondering if we had another copy of John's (employee)drivers license and social security card around the office."

"Um, not sure. Why?"

"Well, the police are here because John (employee) flipped out and was threatening to kill Frank by stabbing him in the throat with his pen tucked behind his ear. And your Dad too, if he didn't fire Frank."

"Oh, ok. If we have an extra copy it would be filed on the personnel shelves in the shop."

"Thanks! Oh yeah, do you think we should still come in to the office by ourselves tomorrow? Should we be nervous John will come and do something?"

"Nah, we'll just bring a gun."

"Ok, sounds good. Bye!"

(Hang up.) ...

"Lily, do you want cereal or oatmeal for breakfast?"

Sample Day #2

Dad: "Rachel! Can you quickly help me send this E mail?"

Rae: "Well...first of all, email is just one word. And I don't think the subject line of your email should be ' E mail response to your E mail. '
Which, while we're on the subject of a subject line....let's try to type the subject in the actual subject line, and not the address line. That's why it wouldn't send."

Dad: "Oh, ok."

Sample Day #3

Cas: "... It was a little different, though, when I was giving the new plumber a tour of the office and had shown him the shop where Ira skins his Bobcats. He looked at me a little weird then.
(That would also be the room NEXT to the room where he broadcasted a live political talkshow...the plumber who was skinning bobcats before he went on air to discuss the North American Free Trade Agreement. Normal is such a subjective term.)
I've already accepted that I simply must get used to the Bobcats. Your Dad threw a big piece of fleshy bobcat fat at me the other day when I came back to the shop with a question. He thought it was pretty funny."

Rae: "AAAAA!? Did it hit you?!!!?

Cas: "No, the wall to the side of me. But it did splat and sink to the floor."

Rae: "Oh Cas, oops, um...I forgot to disclose that the working conditions here are appalling. We're talking nothing short of a bad remake of Silence of the Lambs. Please don't leave!! My dear's time for the next step to your training: you have to act like you're interested and not grossed out. That's the only way to be safe and survive. You must especially behave as if you like snakes. Otherwise he'll also hide that rattlesnake contraption inside of the toilet before you head into the bathroom."

Just a normal day at the office. We do get free lunch.


Amy said...

Love this. Must hear more work/plumbing stories.

Jacob Hansen said...

Yep.....this is all true. I work there too!