Tuesday, February 17, 2009

These are the days

"Um...um, Mom, I dus sneeeked da teese in the bawbee house."

Translation: "Um...um, Mom, I just sneeked the cheese in the Barbie house."

Lily has an obsession with grated Parmesan. If I ever catch a whiff of something akin to a massive burp floating through the air, I can quickly trace it to a spot underneath the dining room table where Lily is literally shoving fistfuls of this pungent cheese into her mouth. This time, she sheepishly admitted she was consuming it in the top story of her ginormous wooden doll house (the "bawbie" house).
Different locale, same addiction.

I mean, seriously, if a kids gonna love cheese
you would at least think mozzarella.

We go round and round with episodes of cheese thievery in our home. And you'd be surprised how after the 87th time it begins to suck the sanity out of you. And some might think, "Just give her the cheese." But I can't give her the cheese, she ends up skipping meals. So enough of your advice, but thanks anyways. I will just continue to trudge on, finding her nude in the top story of the dollhouse, smuggling dairy, and scold her one more time.

When the next expose on motherhood is published or aired on some ridiculously liberal women's mag or television series, I'm just the sort of woman they are looking for. The woman caught on the wrong day, or series of days, drowning in the perilous, smelly cheese flakes smooshed into my carpet for the bijillionth time, who will say something stupid like,
"Stay at home motherhood is just not for me."

These are the days you ask, "So, what exactly have I done all day?"
The days you think you're completely
overqualified, and yet strangely stupified when it comes to handling the random daily tasks at hand.
The days when you take stock of the past hour and realize the following three sentences have been shouted:

"If you poop on the floor on purpose again, I'm serious...you'll get spanked."

"Did you just eat the blush powder out of Mommy's NEW Mac compact...why are your teeth pink?!?!"

"Raisins are our friends! They are good for you!"

The days you realize, wow...Parmesan was not in the job description. I didn't expect this. It just doesn't make sense.


Then there are the
other days.

The days when you are there to tuck your cheese sneeker into bed for a nap. She falls asleep while you're "poky poky-ing" (her favorite back scratching technique) her back. You sniff, and she smells like a combo of cheese and strawberry scented shampoo, mixed with three year old sweet breath.

The days when you announce it's time to load up in the car to head to the store, and she replies "Jus a second, Wachel!" ("Just a second, Rachel" - she calls me by my first name when we are doing "grown up" things like shopping), and emerges from her room armed with the necessities: Disney princess plastic heels, an oven mitt, and a baby doll for the journey.

The days you enter the room from around the corner, just in time to catch her comforting her baby sister from the latest fall, saying "It's okay Lundeen, its okay...take a bweath, take a bweath." (It's okay London, take a breath...take a breath).

The days that as you shower, two little faces peer in the glass from the other side...alerting you with panic, "Mooom!!! Wait!!! I can't shee you!!!" as the steam begins to fog up their view.

The days that you have little people. Everywhere you go. And little things. Mostly random.

The days when suddenly,
it all seems to just make sense


Daron and Jamee said...

YES!! And those are the moments you have to soak up and treasure, even if they are mere moments, because that is the pure joy of it all.

My favorite is the shower episode. When do you stop letting the kids come in when you take a shower?

It's weird when your 5 year old (I remember things when I was five) opens the curtain to tell you something. And when your three almost four year old says, "Wow, Mom, you have a really big bum."

That is why I arise at 5 am to shower. In privacy.


Sarah Hansen said...

This doesn't help my baby hunger... too cute. Kiss Lily for auntie and tell her I love her and we can make lots and lots of "recipes" with CHEESE when i get home.

Dan and Ali said...

This is your masterpiece. The best blog since Shakespeare. BRAVO! Hilarious!

Alexis said...

Lily loves parmesan cheese because it is genetic! Two Italian grandmothers - DUH.
I will be happy to introduce Lily to parmesan popcorn. It is my favorite and drives your Ango-Saxon father crazy because he grew up calling parmesan, "stinky" cheese, - how unclivilized is that?

Amy said...

I love it when one of the commentors on my blog says "Lovely, Amy." I feel this is appropriate for yours today:

Lovely, Rae.