Sunday, March 15, 2009

My language

Today the question was raised:

Are we taking good care of our spouses?


I leaned over to Tyler and sadly mumbled that he took better care of me than I did of him. I think it's true.

I'm just not the sufficiently "doting" type.

Fiercely devoted. But not doting. For me...that word care instantly brought with it an ensemble of connotative meanings that conjure pictures of the ever soft spoken, never complaining, scribbled love notes on napkins in his homemade lunch sack sort of wife.
I wish I was softer. I wish I were sweeter. I wish I were the type that receives no greater thrill than making sure he has a crisply ironed shirt every morning for work. The type that constantly searches for little cute ways to make lovely gestures of adoration.
But the truth is, I wake up grumpy. I can be atrociously stubborn, and even unfair. I'm a tally keeper. I think that if I've spent the night breastfeeding the last thing he deserves is fresh laundry or non-expired milk for his cereal. Check for me, check for him. There, we're even.

Not the nicest way to sustain a great marriage. But thankfully, due to a miraculous level of patience from him, we remain happy. I think it is because he knows my language. He knows how I love. It's not in the obvious, sentimentally expressive ways...usually.

When I love,
I'll usually cook.
I'll want you around, even if we aren't talking.
I'll obsess about your safety.
I'll ask you how you're feeling. Maybe too often.
I'll make the bed. I really like you to feel excited for the end of the day in it, with me.
I'll expect the best out of you.
I'll be interested in what you have to say.
I'll say a lot right back.
I'll make time for you.
I'll make an effort.
I'll send you naughty emails. Sort of.
I'll want to read the same books.
I'll resign myself to the fact that I'm willing to change your diapers in old age.
I'll have offspring with you. This is a biiiig deal. Mammals aren't supposed to do that with just anyone.
I'll take pride in you.
I'll allow you to take "Before" fitness photos in my skivvies. Post partum.
(What is she smiling about? Yes, she's flexing. No, you can't see the rest.)

I'll raise the aforementioned offspring. Happily.
I'll fry the bacon you bring home, and make it last.

I'll allow the distinctive line between you and me to become fuzzy. What makes you happy, will make me happy. And vice versa. As Charles Williams said,

"Love you? I am you."

That's how I love.

3 comments:

Daron and Jamee said...

Is that picture of you and Tyler?
It looks like it is.

Did this all start from Gospel Doctrine today?
I wasn't there but I have had a lot of comments, seeing as my Mr. Andelin was the teacher...

Daron takes those before pictures of me too...I love you more now.

Jamee

Rae's Corner said...

Yep...it's us. A pic taken a while back when we were heading out to dinner...

auntie mal said...

Hey ya I took that pic while the girls were screaming inside haha u are adorable and guess wat even when u are "fat" you arent really fat!