Sunday, January 17, 2010

Wedding weekend Part 1 plus my awesome analogy.

Oh oh oh, you're going to love this.

My Friends are like Blankets analogy.

I feel superficial and lame every time I begin a sentence with "My best friend..." And yet I find myself doing it all the time. To make matters worse, I substitute different names often and have no choice but to begin the following sentence with an even more pathetic explanation, "Well, not my best friend _____, but my other best friends ______ and ______." or "that is my best friend from when I was 7 and that is my best friend at church and that is my best friend from the library."

The Best Friend illness begins around 5th grade. In the land of ladies, there is an unspoken law of female rivalry that determines your only mode of survival in the perilous jungles of middle school will be through the acquisition and fierce ownership of "a best friend". And there can only be one (groups of friends are still allowed only in so much as they are made up of smaller-subunits of these best-friend components, where everyone understands their place in the hierarchy. There is usually one dominant best friendship that will despotically rule the lesser factions - i.e., the weaker monkeys.)
This stringent dictum ensures that the battlefield of female behavior will always be strewn with fresh casualties. While searching for a best friend you are most likely to enter the guarded area of another's exclusive best friendship. You accidentally strike up a conversation and head to the mall with someone else's best friend. A tree they already pee'd on.

The battle begins.

And it is on this battlefield that the female's most elusive and effective techniques are developed. Gossip. Whispers. False smiles. Best friend necklaces emerge, secrets are shared, pinkies crossed. Promises made. Matching tee-shirts donned. Big bubble words written in notes signed with the signature Best Friends Forever slogan.

However, as every female can attest, it isn't long before the infidelity occurs. Suddenly, your best friend is wearing a new matching shirt with Jenny Flamenbaum and everyone in the school has mysteriously found out about that time you french-kissed your pillow while pretending it was Tommy Berrios.

Is it possible that we weren't meant for monogamous friendships?

It was when I met Casady, a "best friend" of over ten years that an assumption was shattered. After being friends for the first few months, our little friendship group noticed Casady's philandering sense of the prohibitive "best" friendship.

"Do you know Ashley T.?"

"Yes! She's my best friend."

A few weeks would pass, and Meagan M. would come up in a gossiping session.

"Please don't talk about her that way. She's one of my best friends."

"Wait, who exactly is your BEST friend?...we thought we were your best sure seem to have a lot of best friends," we whispered, fearful that the gods were about to strike at any moment for the obvious violation to the best friend law.

"You all are. I have lots of best friends."

Hmm. Enter blank stares, the introspection, the suspense of waiting for the bolt to strike. However, nothing happened. Just silence. The peace.

As so it was. From then on out. The relief, the knowledge. The utter promiscuity. You can have more than one best friend! Phew. Unfortunately, I think many women never outgrow the 7th grade law, but that's okay. The battlefield will never complain about more fresh victims. I just prefer sitting on the patio watching the carnage over a piece a cheesecake with other "best" friends, the type of women who at least attempt to sideline that sort of behavior - to lay down the nasty weapons.

Enter analogy (stay with me don't want to miss it...this is Hallmark card material):

I found that friends can be much better compared to blankets. You can never have too many blankets. We all need them. We can stack them in a closet. Some are needed on a regular basis, others in case of emergency. Some are thicker than others, with threads reinforcing each other through time and good experience. Others are fresh buys from the latest home goods department, and they are simply darling. Some are good for picnics and lying on the beach. Others are perfect for cold, winter nights. The warmest, most comforting are desperately needed during a good cry - the kind that wrap you up and shut up and only give their opinion and advice when asked. And yes, there are the cheap pieces of crap that you were suckered into purchasing on a clearance binge that have now fallen apart after they tried flirting with your husband.

I was able to spend a weekend with a few of my good, thick blanket friends. We spent a lovely weekend up at Tahoe in the most fabulous cabin preparing for a special day. It always feels good to be wrapped up in this blanket. It has so many threads: diversity of thought and opinion, hilarious moments, late night chats, endless lunch dates, juvenile delinquencies, families, schools, loves, boyfriends, husbands, travels, religions, embarrassing revelations, good conversation, non-judgments, and support. All the things that make up quite a nice blanket.

This weekend we added another thread to our history: the Nae getting married thread.

More on the beautiful day coming up...stay tuned.

- - - -

Wedding weekend photos Part 1:

Bachelorette night (New Year's Eve. And no, no strippers. We just got dressed up to head downtown and enjoy the most fabulous extravaganza of commentary on the heinous outfits of other women and to stuff ourselves with fast food at 1am. *Stacy and Clinton: What Not to Wear could air an entire season off of the one night we experienced.) ...

The crib...

The boys' assignment : watch sports (oh, they are so dependable)...

Cas (the "best" friend whore)...

Mani/Pedi day (oh! It's been too long!):

The setting ( misty and magical Tahoe):


Sarah Hansen said...

That was such a great blog Rae. I envy your writing skills. I will never forget the day my BFF told me she as going to buy a BEST FRIEND NECKLACE with another world was shattered. Good thing Lily is my Best Friend so I shouldn't have anymore problems.

Rae's Corner said...

I can be your best friend too Sarah bear.

And that best friend was a little b-iotch from day one, your older sister knew best.


Sarah Hansen said...

I am trying to CALL YOU!! It's off the hook...

Ian said...

Why did you call Caday a whore?

Steven and Wendy OBryant said...

A similar (much less witty and very poorly written) blog post has been floating around in my head for a while now. I often find myself saying, "no, not that best friend. That's my best friend from kindergarten. I'm talking about my other best friend. No, not the one from church, the one that i met in 3rd grade in orchestra...." I love the blanket analogy! I have so many favorite blankets... my quilts, my downs, my knits, they all serve different purposes. Thanks for sharing!

Joan said...

Wait, did you just call your best friend a whore? I am SO confused. Maybe I will get it when I read the post...I am just scanning through for pictures...I'm supposed to be reading books with the boys and fact B just yelled, "Hey MOm! Family prayer!" haha.
I will be back to read about the "Blanket" analogy.

Rae's Corner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rae's Corner said...

Ian, I didn't call "Caday" a whore like that kind...i think i wasn't clear.

i'm talking a friend whore, as in she has a lot of best friends...

Cas! Don't take it the wrong way!

Daron and Jamee said...

Good analogy.
I just had a tid bit of a conversation about this with my BFFAEAEAE (best friend forever and ever and ever and ever) today. Some people also attract the static cling type of blanket that wraps around you and wont let you use another blanket for any reason.

Or at least talks bad about you when you do.


jenniferoharra said...

Oh my gosh - this is way too funny! I was laughing out loud! So true! Great Post and Pictures!

Casady said...

Haha I would never take that the wrong way! I am a best friend whore ;) I like it that way. I have noticed over the years though, that my best friend blankets have started to subside and those that are left (from my promicuous days)are only the ones who truly understand and appreciate what true friendship is. I will forever welcome new "best friends" into my life, but at this point they can only stay if they are the Arlington Gardens, never judge me no matter what I say or do (because I will never judge you), understand that sometimes it takes me three weeks to call you back, but I have your back as long as you have mine type. And I am happy to keep it that way. It is nice to be at a place in life where you no longer search for best friends, but because you don't need anymore, they come in sride and only the stong survive. I truly do have the best friends in the world! Great post Rae and I can't wait for part two!

Amy said...

I got the Casady friend whore thing. ;)
Great post. I've always admired you and your friendships and am glad to be counted among them. (I consider you to be my blogger bestie.) We have some great friends. Tahoe was so fun! Can we do a repeat?? (maybe girls only next time)

Rae's Corner said...

I second the repeat idea...Nae was saying today that we need to revisit the palm springs trip...we'll be in cahoots soon dearie!


Shinae said...

Speaking of the best friend whore....she totally got me a blanket as a wedding gift! Coincidence? I think not.

Alex said...

Great analogy Rae! I love my best FriendS. It looks like you had a great start to the New Year!!!

Alex :)

Renee said...

Do you have room in your closet for "blankets" that have gotten lost along the way, but have managed to find their way back??


Rae's Corner said...

Renee! OF COURSE. You didn't get lost anyways. We've always had each other in our closets still, haven't we? Maybe stacked a little too high.

i'm sending you an email now. it's time for a long overdue dinner together (and my parents would love to see you too, maybe a large old school hansen gathering is in order?)