Monday, February 8, 2010

His & Her answers: Part 1

Nine questions (Thanks Sarah).
The Rules: you must write your answers without seeing the other person's. Also, Rachel is not allowed any editorial side-commentary (torture I tell you!). I realize it is rather narcissistic to think that anyone would care about us going into detail about our marriage -seriously, who interviews themselves?!! But oh boy, it was fun! You should try it. And if your husband gets all gruffy over a marital questionnaire, blast him with this statement: "Being 'too cool' for something is no more than an act of masking insecurity with conceit." You'll win. Enjoy.

1. How has your marriage changed since you've had kids?

His: Since we have had children I believe that our marriage has changed for the better. You can't deny that with children there will be no change, because when you are young and married you simply have less responsibility and more time for each other. There is less effort to accomplish the smaller things, such as going to the store. So our marriage has definitely changed. It takes a lot more effort to go on a date, but since there are less of those alone moments I seem to cherish them more. With children we are rewarded and blessed more with every moment of the day: more smiles, more hugs, more kisses, and more fun. I would also say that seeing Rachel as a mother has made me love her so much more. By seeing her raise our children and knowing what a great job that she does and what type of effort she puts into it has only solidified my love for her and reminds me of the MANY reasons why I fell in love with her in the first place. I would also say that adding children to our marriage helps us unite and has given us a reason to grow closer since we are both striving towards the same goals.

Her: I would say our marriage was taken to a whole new level. I still retained this sort of independent attitude before having children. Children changed that, in a good way. I need him more than ever, I depend on him more than ever – and because he has risen to that task so amazingly well, I have fallen in love with him even more. Children have stressed us out, but brought such a miraculous meaning to our life that we are both experiencing this joy together and loving each other more because of it. Nobody loves my children like I do besides him. He's the only other person on this planet who cares about the same people like I do. So, we share that together – it's something that is and always will be unique to us, and is one of the most bonding elements of our relationship. How well we do this job - raising our children - will be the most important impact we will make in this world, and we get to do it together. It's beautiful!

2. Do you still get butterflies when you see each other?

His: YES, I still get butterflies when I see Rachel. It is different than it was when we were dating, it is deeper. When we get time to be together alone, date night, at night after the kids go to bed, weekends, there is nothing better than that moment and there is no better feeling than the feeling that I still receive from her presence.

Her: Well, not that completely ridiculous dizzy that I originally had…but there is definitely an excitement to be with him that still remains constant. It's like I take a deep breath when he's around and I feel better…cliché…but I feel more complete. To me, the familiarity that comes with such closeness naturally eliminates the nervous butterfly feeling, but the nervous butterflies are filled with something far more satisfying and steady. The butterflies were fun in the beginning, but I really love the way it feels on this side of it too.

3. How do you try to avoid monotony?

His:It is pretty easy to avoid monotony when your schedule is so packed that you don't have time to think about it. I also think that I avoided monotony by marrying Rachel, she is never boring. We also try to go on a date every weekend and there is nothing better to help nourish your marriage and keep things on the up and up.

Her: I didn't marry a monotonous person. I also like the saying, "If you're bored, it's because you are a boring person." I couldn't agree more! What on earth is there to be bored with in this life?

There is daily monotony, of course. But, I think the way we naturally combat that is by keeping our dreams at the forefront of our minds as we do the day to day work to achieve those dreams ( a home full of love and people, good educations for our children, traveling the world in style when we're older, Tyler owning or running his own company, big family holiday parties, our dream house with shutters and a wrap-around porch,). I've been designing my dream kitchen in my head for the past three years every time I vacuum…it's quite exciting. But more than that, I really think we enjoy the present. Work and school and the grind of raising children can really bite sometimes, but when we mix in fun stuff like family dinners, Friday night light television marathons, Victoria Secret lingerie (shopping bags that Tyler never complains about), good books, and the hilarious and lively personality of our children…let's just say it's rare for us to be bored.

4. What is the most surprising thing to you about marriage?

His: The most surprising thing about marriage is how rewarding and fun it can be. It seems like all of society portrays marriage as this horrible, cut you down, hold you back thing to do. It is exactly the opposite of that. Nothing is more rewarding than a marriage and a family. The abundant amount of smiles, laughs and feelings that you receive from a marriage can't be created anywhere else.

Her: Um, hmmm. I think the most surprising thing is how good it is has been for me. It feels very healthy, I feel very healthy. You hear all of these sorts of things all around society, bits and pieces of advice about "remembering yourself" and "prioritizing yourself" and "not losing yourself" in marriage and motherhood, etc. I understand those things, but I also think that it is through that entire process of giving yourself, full-throttle into something so worthwhile, that I have found the person inside of me that I'm the most proud of and confident in. I didn't feel balanced just on my own and thinking about everything to do with myself. Contrary to popular belief, marriage gave me balance, it didn't take it away.

5. What is your favorite date night activity?

His: I think that this has changed over the years, especially since we have had children. I used to love going to the movies, but now that our time together is more precious I really enjoy going out to dinner and sitting there for way too long talking and laughing. There are other favorite activities that can not be mentioned in this type of forum.

Her: Date night is law in our house. The idea of a scheduled "date night" sounds very 1950's regimented and boooring, but it keeps our marriage the complete opposite. I LOVE date night! My favorite date night activity is very normal: I love going out to eat together. It is a good chance to unwind and talk and laugh…heck, sometimes it's even the perfect place for conflict resolution (you can't yell in a restaurant, civility is forced upon the both of you). Also, if we don't have any money, I love a movie marathon in bed with In & Out burger or ice cream sundaes. The usual rule of date night is simple: I refuse to cook or eat left-overs, and it has to be more special than just vegging out in front of the t.v. in sweats. Our mindset is different on date night, it's much more boyfriend/girlfriend than husband and wife with two kids, and that makes all the difference.


Part two coming up....


Amy M. said...

I LOVE this post!! I think every couple should do this. I think it's cute how you guys had a lot of the same answers. And Tyler is a GREAT writer too! Rae, my favorite answer was yours to "What is the most surprising thing about marriage?"
"Contrary to popular belief, marriage gave me balance, it didn't take it away."

The Stud said...

Wow Rachel I can't love Lily and London as much as you And yes Tyler I was waiting for you to mention your true FAVORITE activity, but when can we expect another Lily or London?

jenniferoharra said...

Great idea and post Rachel! I love it! How fun and your answers were so fun to read! I agree - I truly love being married and having that other person to share the same things with. Very fun!

Joan said...

What good fun! Thoroughly enjoyed your responses. Can't wait for part II.

Shinae said...