Monday, February 1, 2010

Oh, peeerfect.



This wasn't the way I meant to kick it off. Really, it wasn't.

These two weeks are meant to be a beautiful window in the chapters of our love history for our posterity to peek into someday (if they should even care enough to do so, I fear future generations care less and less about anything to do with ancestry and connection... we'll just be those old married relatives in some rest-home they come to visit bi-annually...).

Do I sound negative? I hope so. Because I am posting at 7:30am, and I am negative. This wasn't the way it was supposed to start!!

Isn't that always the way it happens?!

It all started last night. I asked Sarah to email me a list of questions about Ty & I's marriage. I wanted non-agenda questions, nothing that could be manipulated or directed by my own mind to paint any false pictures. Honest questions, and honest answers.

We had enjoyed a lovely evening. Cas and Max came over for dinner (provided by them too, oh how lucky were we! Down home with the Neeley's chili! Yumo), I was able to finish a paper and submit it on time, our house was tidy'd. It was all dandy. But...at some point I slipped the news to Tyler that I felt like my monthly visitor was about to start any time.

Big mistake.

Tyler and I have had serious conversations about my bouts with PMS. I've actually told him, given him permission, to mark his own calendar with my schedule and begin ignoring anything I say three days prior to the big event. I'm not kidding, almost every month - just a day before I get it, we always have the same conversation egged on by me. It begins in the silence of our bedroom after we've gone to bed, he's been asleep for about 20 minutes, when I blurt out - loudly:

"You don't do anything romantic for me anymore."

He shuffles around quickly, picks up his groggy bedhead and squints back at me.

"What?! What is this about?"


"You don't! You're meeeeeean!"


The poor man. He's in such shock, and yet is somehow duped into thinking this is a legitimate conversation coming from me. So, we hash out - or even argue out - some lame-o conversation that escalates into me crying and him frustrated. This if followed by him arriving home the next day from work looking exhausted from such late night kerfuffles and me throwing my arms around him, "Oh hunnie! I'm so sorry! I got my period today, I was just pms'ing really bad yesterday."

We've cycled through these types of episodes enough to know this is something we need to be prepared for. But, I slipped up. I told him I was in "that phase again" by spilling the beans about what day of the month I was on. What I didn't think through was the fact that I had just handed him my playbook, every possible maneuver of emotional manipulation. And this time, he was ready as we were about fall asleep last night. I jumped out of bed and decided I wanted us to answer the list of questions Sarah had given us, all for a perfect beginning to our little two weeks on love:

"No way, I'm going to bed. We can't go through all of those questions right now. It's eleven and I have to get up early."

"Well, you wouldn't go to sleep if I suggested watching another episode of 24....you wouldn't fall asleep if some sexual offering was on the table...you wouldn't fall asleep if it was a Bill Simmons podcast...you wouldn't fall asl....."

"Goodnight Rae."


"No! No no no! I can't believe this. You are sooooooooo insensitive."

Silence. He's ignoring me. He's ignoring me! Pretending to be asleep.

"I can't believe this. I can't believe you.
You are meeeeeean!"

Silence.

He's really catching on.

12 comments:

Sarah Hansen said...

So funny. Wait now I AM MAD...I TOOK THAT TIME TO WRITE THOSE QUESTIONS?! Ha ACTUALLY how cute we are on the same cycle this month although sshh Christopher has not quite caught on to that SILENCE tactic. I did all of the above: complained to him of his lack of romance, cried about who knows what, and told him he was so MEEAANN. Scary how alike we really are. Is is a sister thing...or just being a girl?

Ian said...

Eww ...periods grosss....

Cindy Martinez said...

Rae,
I LOVE how completely honest you are!!! You say all the things (and so perfectly too!) that all us "girls" want to say but don't!!

Alexis said...

Is it really gross or perhaps "inappropriate" for your mother to be on the same cycle as you girls??? I've heard that happens when you all live in the same house - but how does this happen with us in different places.
PMDD is real. You guys know. You lived with me.
Why do you think I had so many kids and nursed you all till kindergarten?(no not really blogosphere - but at least until 1 year old...Sarah wouldn't give it up til almost 2!! ha ha Sarah).
Pregnancy and nursing (if you are married) are one way to fend off the PMDD. There should be an easier way.
They can fly a man to the moon; have him walk on the moon, but they can't fix this...
Good luck.
MOM Waiting for Menopause

Lacy said...

I can't stop laughing. I think it is a girl thing Sarah. I CRY and FREAK OUT as well. And Alexis I love you. You are all so funny!! Miss you

mals said...

OK this is kinda weird that mom Sarah and Rae have commented but i am on the same time as Sarah Rae and mom but i have it easier haha CAUSE i am such a younling! haha OK im gonna stop now i feel weird

Amy M. said...

Ha! It feels like I'm hearing a convo at the Hansen house. But it's on a blog. That ANYONE could see. Love it!

Rae's Corner said...

Ahhh, MAL!

I'm so proud of you...opening up and talking to your big sister about these big girl things.

We love you. I'm going to post your comment on facebook. Is that ok?

raerae

Alex said...

AAAHHH the natural beauty of women...there's nothing like it!

Joan said...

I DIED laughing at the, "You don't do anything romantic for me anymore."
I can't tell you how many times I've said that to B (right before the P arrives).
What a perfect way to start my Tuesday...a good, hearty laugh. Thanks for keeping it real, Rae :)

Joan said...

Ps: Sarah, dear...it is a girl thing :) We are manipulative monsters once a month whether we like it or not!

mal said...

that is perfectly fine rae... i think haha!! THANKS RAE I LOVE YOU!! <3 N U 2 SARAH