Thursday, June 3, 2010

I'm a Big Girl now.

I've finally done it. In 26 years, it has never, NEVER, been done.

I slept by myself in our house (with my kids).

Truly, girl scout's honor, I have never slept alone in my life. I grew up in a litter, went off to college and had roommates, then got married and had a husband. There was no time for solitude. And I'm accustomed to it. So much so that I cannot stomach the thought of surviving a night by myself in a house. Any time Tyler is out of town, a sibling of mine comes to stay the night with me. Every. Single. Time. They arrive and are greeted with the same instructions:
"If anything should happen in the intruder, a fire, the Second coming of Christ, are simply to grab my girls and get to safety. Don't worry about me. I will handle the killer/problems. I am not afraid. I will even be murdered peacefully as long as I know my children are safe."
They respond with wide-eyed stares and nod in agreement with a dramatic roll of their eyes. Except Forrest. He insists he's not just going to run away with the kids and leave me. Something about not being a "sissy of a man". Enough of your teenage rebellion, I argue. Just get the kids out while I extract the killer's eyes with a fork.

In theory, I "am capable" of handling a night alone in my house, as the sole protector of my children. I know I "could" do it. I just won't sleep. I'll lie awake with pepper spray, a shot gun, and a large butcher knife listening to the sounds of a creepy house while composing a mental horror novel of everything that could possibly unfold. The morning will eventually come, and in theory, I "know" I will be alive when the sun rises. But I'm tellin' ya, it's soo, sooooo hard to believe that at 2am when the ice maker in the kitchen is making crashing noises. My heart races, I feel sick, and all because of a little wind outside. It's so much easier to just have my 10 year-old sibling in the house with me.

But last night, nobody was available. Traitors. Every one of them had a million plans and early morning appointments and yada yada yada - they are over the little girl who cries wolf. It was 9:30pm and it was too late to call any friends and beg them to abandon their own husbands and families for a sleepover. I was just going to have to make it.....on. my. own.

I woke up every two hours. Self-treated the anxiety with thoughts of Disneyland, swimming at Lake Tahoe, and the fact that if my Grandma can sleep alone in a house, surely I can.

The sun came up around 5am.

And I was still alive. In theory at least.


And an up close of the new headband I've been sporting:

Isn't it cute? I love the old fabric and buttons. I'm sorta over the whole flower headband shabang. Loved the bow on the this one.


Mrs. Officer Andelin said...

I don't sleep Fri. through Monday night. Come Tuesday (when Daron is home at night) I am so exhausted from not sleeping that I am OUT at 8:00pm with the kids and any hope that Daron had of spending quality time together has vanished while I am cuddled up safetly.

You can always call me you know, and I will bring the kids over for a sleep over.


jenniferoharra said...

I have never slept alone either!! I am way too chicken so I'm very proud of you. If I happen to be alone while Shaun is out late, which thankfully doesn't happen too much, I watch TV on the couch (because I feel like I have more control on the couch than upstairs in the bedroom) and I try not to doze off. If I do fall asleep I wake up immediately with my eyes wide open to make sure I'm not missing something. Crazy. I know. But I totally feel for you and am proud of you for making it the whole night.

Natalie in Sparks said...

oh my gosh, i laughed myself silly on this post! you are hilarious Rachel!

I am so proud of you by the way. This is definitely a breakthrough!

And if the word gets out on the street at how you would be poking out killers eyes with a fork, trust me, you will be safe in your house, because NO ONE will want to mess with you!