Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Nevermind about that last post.

My kids are nuts. Certifiably outrageous. Little balls of spunk, spontaneity, and insanity.

And yesterday it was NOT PRETTY.

Oh yes, remember that last little "Cinderella" post? - the one detailing how much I love the little details of motherhood as manifested from the mess throughout my home? I kid you not, it was not two seconds after I clicked Publish on that post that I was punished endlessly for momentarily basking in self-triumph for my awesome "shift in perspective". Shift in perspective, ha. Within a few hours I was sobbing on my couch.

I know every parent thinks their child is gifted or has an unusually distinctive personality or is going to be the next President of the United States. And I think all of those things too, only my parental daydreams are always coupled with a firm realization that any channel transporting my children to success and decency as human beings can at any moment be dissolved into complete anarchy and blatant criminal activity. And the culprits trying to smear and destroy my progress are these little devils, these positively irritating, always have to have an opinion and objection to every darn thing under the sun children.
*Lily's signature pose. The only one of 15 other such poses I found even moderately appropriate to post on this blog. Where does she get this?!

An acquaintance (whose identity shall remain anonymous) was once introducing me to one of her friends, and stated enthusiastically, "This is Rachel...and she has the two wildest little girls ever." I think she even threw in a little manufactured laugh with a "they are soooo cute" to soften the blow. Excuse me if I'm mistaken, but there is an unspoken rule that I thought was completely that she had somehow missed...about how you can make fun of or criticize your own kin, but under no circumstance is anyone outside of that circle allowed to do so. I can call my kids crazy...but you can't call them crazy.

So apparently in the parental sphere, I beat you all in the "my child has a distinctive personality" (i.e. crazy) department. Or at anonymous acquaintance thought so.

Can you tell I've had a bad day?

First off, they never. stop. talking. Always always talking. And I love their talking...their silly sayings and their squeaky voices. But even if they're being cheerful, after driving around for an entire day running errands, can a mother get some quiet?!
They scream too, constant screaming. Happy screams, faking scared screams, "This is my favorite song on the radio!" screams, "No! This is MY favorite song on the radio!" screams, "Look at the airplane!"screams, "London took my pony!" screams, "Lily threw her shoe at me!" screams....SCREAMS SCREAMS SCREEEEAMs.

And we haven't even arrived at the grocery store yet. First, the battle of riding in the cart. London first insists that she unload herself from her carseat in the car herself.
"No I do it! I do it! I do it!"
After 40 minutes of not being able to unbuckle herself, I step in. She kicks and screams and cries her way to the grocery cart, where she refuses to stay seated in the cart's child seat.
"I wok (walk) Mom, I wok!"
We are at Winco. You can't allow your child to just walk around in Winco. They can be kidnapped, smuggled onto some black market, or have their feet chewed by the mice I assume are lurking under every fruit bin. So I take a shrieking toddler into the store crying and Lily, who begins asking
"Mom, can I buy dat?", "Mom, can I buy dat?", "Mom, can I buy dat?" "Mom, can I buy dat?"
for the duration of the entire. shopping. trip.
At Costco, we ran into a good friend who had her darling 4 month old daughter with her. I couldn't get in three consecutive words without being interrupted by my girls squealing in delight over the baby and asking,
"Mom!! AWWww, so cute....can we buy one of doze (those...i.e. the baby)? Can we buy one of doze? Can we buy one of doze?"

(***Are you annoyed with this post? Stop reading. It only gets worse and I'm mainly recording this in an attempt to punish my future children when they read it as adults.)

After we leave the store and head home, we enjoy a repeat of scream-ville while driving, as well as London's insistence that she buckle and unbuckle herself in/out of her own carseat (once again unsuccessfully, returning us yet again to tantrum time).

I unload all the groceries just in time to begin teaching piano lessons. London is put down for a nap (whew), and I had arranged for Lily to have a friend come to play with her so she'd remain happily occupied.

No such luck. She hit one of the piano students little siblings who attempted to join them in play in the backyard. She interrupted my lessons 15 times, got out of the naughty chair when I attempted discipline from a distance while sitting at the piano...and last but not least, ran away up the street barefoot and in her bumble bee costume.

A panicked piano parent came running into my house,

"Um Rachel, I'm sorry to interrupt, but your little girl just went running up the street. Would you like me to go get her?"

I faked control. "Oh nooo, no problem, I'll just go out and wave at her to come home."

I waved.

She saw me from the distance, turned in the opposite direction, and proceeded on with whatever she damn well pleased.

Right as London woke up, climbed out of her crib and came to me with her eyes crusted shut. Crying. What I had worried had been the onset of pink eye was now full blown and my baby was crying, blinded in boogers.

It took everything in me to not fall on the ground and cry. Right in front of the other parent.
My eldest is running defiantly amok up the street uncontrolled, my youngest is covered in snot and crying, and I'm 15 minutes behind in lesson time.
I muttered an apology for the delay, turned on a movie for London after cleaning her eyes, and finished the lesson.

After my student left I collapsed miserably on my couch. Cried and cried, and thought,"this is my life".

How's that for a "shift in perspective"?


Cindy Martinez said...


I am reading this at work (hopefully you remember what I do so that you fully understand my comment).

Your beautiful little girls are doing exactly what they are supposed to be ... all part of the "going through the stages of life" process. The difference is that you are an AMAZING MOTHER with tons of love & patience! I only wish you produced some "Magic Mommy Dust" that I could sprinkle on the mommy's of many other precious children who need your understanding!!

THANK YOU over and over again for your example and sharing of your good as well as challenging days!!!

One other thought....the strength and strong personalities that your sweet girls have will be a HUGE asset in the growing challenges their future will hold as Women!! :)

Mrs. Officer Andelin said...

It's true that they will be wonderfully independent woman, but right about now you need a triple chocolate double fudge chunk brownie sundae. That is the only thing that will help you.


I hope I wasn't the anonymous person who introduced you to someone. It probably was me, I'm sorry.

jenniferoharra said...

Hi Rachel,

Thanks for sharing your frustrating days - its so nice to hear that other people have tough days too - and I don't even have kids yet!
I think your ability to laugh is the greatest thing and I know you're a great mom!

Joan said...

I read this post out loud to Brandon. Thank you for the hearty laugh. Oh how we can relate!
And yes, it is my life too: sticky, muddy, tear stained, booger nosed, poop smeared, squishy bums and all.