Wednesday, December 29, 2010

To my eldest...

Lily lu,

I was shalopping* on ellie jane's cheeks today .

*Schalopping: {sha-lop-ping}: term used to describe mixture of chewing/licking/sniffing/kissing/nose rubbing/obsessive inhaling, invented by ellie jane's mother who occasionally mistakes herself for a cat in her behavior towards her kittens...der uh, i mean children.

And I took note and admired how much the outline of her cheeks and chin remind me of your cheeks and chin. It's like a double present to receive a new baby who is simultaneously their own little personage AND the reincarnation of your previous babies who grew up too fast.

Have I mentioned I am still so in love with the outline of your face?

Have I mentioned lately that I am so in love with you?

Little, big, darling you.

Growing up so fast.
Saying the darndest things,
My little sassy companion.
My big helper.

Is it wrong to think you are so perfect? Because really, to me - you just are. And I can't take credit. Despite my often erratic mothering, you are turning out so magnificently well. A blessed combination of smarts, spunk, energy, tenderness, and bubbly enthusiasm. You speak with your hands a lot. I love that. I wish I could bottle up those little palms and fingers...the way you flit them excitedly to and fro as you are telling me your latest story narrated with your rapidly increasing vocabulary. A vocabulary still mixed with a few, but ever diminishing amount of mispronounced words (I'm always so sad when those words get corrected once and for all. Can't an elevator always be an elabator? Or - when you count to twenty - can you forever include the number sheventeeneleven?). Your most recent four year-old, eyebrow raising statements were:

1. After taking a look at a family member's Christmas card, you pointed to your nine year-old cousin Jonathan and said, "Wow, I'm really impressed with him." (??!)

2. I frequently catch you trying to pull down your sleeves to expose your shoulders (you are fascinated with this whole off the shoulder look lately - is anyone else freaked out by this but me?). After telling you that you can't wear your shirt like that to the store, you sighed and said, "Mom, someday I'm just going to dress inappropriately....okay?"
(!!!! This one elicited such a confusing mixture of pride and horror in me: my daughter just used a six syllable word in an entirely proper context.... to tell me she plans on dressing like a skank. !!!!??!!)

Oh my Lily, how you make me smile and laugh daily.
You are the joy of my heart.
(As are your sisters, but I felt a pressing urge to tell you tonight how much I adore you.)

It's impossible to ever really convey that one: my all consuming, deep seated love for you. To say I would give my life for you sounds trite and cliche. But really....
I would give. my. life. for. you.
I would choose non-existence for you.

Just the other day, as I was exiting a store, a man came up behind me. And for a moment, he was a little too close behind me. Enough to make me turn and deliver a quick glance mixed with a look of just enough obvious suspicion to help him reassess his unacceptable level of personal boundaries. I wondered for a moment, a millisecond, what I would have done had he intentionally come close enough to endanger my children.

And you know what I thought?

Ohhhhh, ooooooh boy.

I dare you. You S.O.B.

Just try me.
I will unleash the wrath of a woman so crazy, here in this very Target parking lot, that it would make Medusa flying in on fire shooting dragons that incinerate your eyeballs seem like Tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust.

I am Lily lu's mother. And I will always be.

You see, I did not exist completely until you.

You may not know what I mean by that until you have your own little set of cheeks to shalop.

Thank you for being my daughter. If you really did have some sort of pre-mortal choice in the matter of assigned maternal lineage, I am forever indebted.

Goodnight Lubydoo.




Joan said...

What a perfectly precious tribute to your two older girls.
They are so blessed to have a mother as fiercely devoted and loyal as you...and yes, they did choose you.

Alexis said...

"Language most shows a man, speak that I may see thee."
- Ben Johnson
Benjamin Jonson (c. 11 June 1572 - 6 August 1637) was an English Renaissance dramatist, poet and actor. A contemporary of William Shakespeare.
Thanks for "showing" us!
Love MOM

Joan said...

Wow. I'm sorry. I just realized this is to Lily not Lily AND London. Sorry. I think all the nicknames confused "Mom brain" isn't functioning at optimum anything these days.