Saturday, January 29, 2011

Vaccination Station

{Something is wrong with my camera, hazy photos. I need to reset it, but I'm too dumb to know how and too lazy to read instruction manuals. Tyler! Help me!}

I'm signing my family up for therapy.

After enduring vaccinations for all three girls yesterday (at their well check-ups), I'm certain they have trust violation issues that are embedding forever in their Freudian lobes, ones that could potentially crop up in the form of weird relationship behaviors and daddy complexes in their forties, all traceable back to this day when Mommy said,

"Who wants ice-cream?!! We have our doctor's appointment and you are going to get a sticker and ice cream!"

Translation: you are going to be stripped down to your panties, pinned to a cold pleather upholstered table with a thin sheet of crinkly paper, and poked with needles by strangers as you scream in terror, all while your own mother stands by as a guilty accomplice to the crime while gently insisting "It only pinches a little!"

How can this possibly turn out well?

It was so sad. I really had to resist the urge to cry. So glad that's over with...

{until the next doctor's appointment, when I lie and re-convince them it is a safe place to go, only to have their trust re-violated as the cycle repeats}

Yes, therapy indeed.

I actually love well-check ups. And this time was particularly cute (up until the shots at the very end). I had three little girls in their undie-pants, and oh boy are they darling. Lily and London sitting next to each other on the table as the doctor listened to their heart-beats and checked their ears. Ellie in her diaper, chewing on her fists. London in her signature Princess Belle chonies with her belly overlapping. Lily breathing in and out upon command, taking the doctor's instructions very. seriously.

I'm always sorta waiting for the doctor to congratulate me.

Is that weird?

Am I the only parent who is just beaming with pride at a well checkup? Just look at these fine specimen, I think. Aren't you impressed? Come on doc, I won't tell anyone....just admit it...these are by far your cutest patients ever. Between you and me, I saw the receptionist bulletin board holding the 900 Christmas card photos of all of the other you've never seen anything like this huh?...

Even when she informed me that Ellie's little birth mark on her chest is commonly referred to as the "third nipple" mark, I was ecstatic.

"Awesome! Did you hear that, Ellie belly boo? Isn't dat dust da cutest thing i ever did hear, goochie goochie goo!!! You are just the pwettiest baby in the world, yes you are. yes you are!"...

Perfection: redefined to include third nipples.

It doesn't matter: head circumference, weight/height ratios, growth charts. Whatever your kid falls into, you simply couldn't imagine it any other way. The little physicalities that signify this little person. Smiling from ear to ear, I can't help it. That's my kid.

When you're this in love
(and slightly delusional),

that's when you know you're really a parent.


Mrs. Officer Andelin said...

So, when does Miss Lily get her skinny jeans?


Natalie in Sparks said...

I am glad that is over too! I'm sorry, it does put you in a tough position when you are standing by letting them scream - and all for their own good...
I have to say I love well check ups too and I often look at my kids and marvel too - wow, they are so big, and so cute and usually I can answer happily and truthfully a "yes" to all the developmental questions the doctor asks me. So i feel like my child is brilliant too, because they CAN dress them self, stack blocks, and walk backwards! weird, I know, and I totally understand!

Joan said...

HATE it as much as you do. The only thing worse is when you have a boy and have to get him circumcised. It's okay little one...we are just going to strap your soft little newborn legs down with Velcro while we trim off skin on the most tender part of your entire body. T-R-A-U-M-A-T-I-C for the both of us. Yes, I'm the sick-o mother who insists on being there to hold his little hand during the entire torturous process.

Sarah Hansen said...

Rachel. You never lie to children about medical procedures...rule number one pediatric nursing. You have now betrayed their trust and may never gain it back. I have so many things to teach you about being a mom...aren't you excited for me to be one so you have an example to look up to?

jenniferoharra said...

Hey Rachel,

I remember my dad taking me to get a shot for something and I had to get it in the butt. I was screaming so bad and he was so upset. I just remember him telling me that we could go get a Barbie Doll after. So I don't think its just you! :)

Daniel said...

I actually laughed out loud reading this. While in a neuroscience class. Very appropriate. Well done!

Daniel said...

P.S. Joan: attending your son's circumcision is at a whole new level. I don't know whether to applaud you or shake my head at you. Either way--brave and bold! Well done.

amy m. said...

oh my gawd. Ellie's look in that first picture. I am almost peeing. And I love Sarah's comment.

Alexis said...

Trust issues? I don't know what you mean. I remember how great I thought it was when they offered shot clinics at the library so we could go there during storytime! BAD IDEA...last three kids - not a reader in the bunch. Scarred for life.
Loser MOM