Monday, February 28, 2011


I sat on hold.


"Please wait for the next available representative....."

"Your call is very important to us......"

"Please wait for the next available representative......"

"Your call is very important to us....."

You'd think they would design a system a little more user friendly for the folks calling to


Adding insult to injury.

The price of bearing children these days, it's appalling.

We're just paying off the last of Ellie-belle.

All those zeros, ouch.

I put the phone on speaker as I waited and turned to play with Ellie, who was rolling around like a little ball of chub on the floor.

She smiled up at me {as always. Sunshine baby. That's what her Mama calls her.}

Hi pretty girl.

And I thought,

"We got a smokin' deal."

Friday, February 25, 2011

Lily's bedtime prayer (almost verbatim)

"Dear Heavenly Father,

We're thankful for all the wonderful blessings and please help me go to heaven and get old really fast and bless that i can not be naughty and climb on all the shelves and sneak into the candy and break mom's stuff and if i catch a ladybug that i will let it go when it wants to go even if its wings are broken just like Rissa did one time with that one bird at Gramma and Pops house and please bless my dad to be atected (protected) when he drives home from work and i love my family....................."

Lily's bedtime prayers are pure gold lately. The girl decides to unload all of her childhood angst/ worry/ happiness/agendas/ requests/musings when asked to give the blessing on the food or say her prayers before bed. I think it's great. Hand it to the Big Dawg child, hand it over. However, it's been known to go on .... and on....and on.....for an upwards of 5 minutes. Dinner is served, we're all starving, and yet we try to patiently close our eyes and listen to the sometimes astounding amount of thought coming from her sweet little mind.
Tyler and I usually peek at each other, squinting out signals,

"Should we stop her? It's got to be coming to a close soon...."

"Wait for it....."

"Wait for it......."

The only thing even more comical than this is London, squirming with frustration in her seat. Eyes shut with every ounce of self mastery her little body can muster, until finally her lack of impulse control gets the better of her and her turrets-like syndrome kicks in.
She starts interjecting:


"Shhhh, London, she's almost done."


"London, stop."


"Okay Lily, why don't we finish praying about the turtles tomorrow?..."

...................and bless all the poor people and help us all to sleep good and that bad no monsters will come into my dreams like that one on the scary movie that I sneaked and watched on the Roku when Mom was sleeping on the couch and i will do my chores and get quarters so i can play the car game at Red the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

{And can I get a hallelujah!?!!!!!}

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I feel the need to tell you...

I can't keep up with my life.

I want so badly to be that daily post type of gal.


Check back soon. Something is bound to come eventually.

Just look at me. This is bad. Very very bad.
And you're not gonna believe this, but the fleeced out pinkanator turtleneck zip-up was a recent purchase.

Seriously. I consciously bought this fleece. For $7 at Target. It really compliments the old yoga pants and I'm-a-semi-new-mother-in-enough-denial-to-still-desperately-cling-to-my-aspirations-towards-being-a-long-haired-vixen-but-for-now-it-remains-in-a-greasy-ponytail-until-my-children-graduate-from-college-when-I'll-then-become-an-old-mother-with-nasty-long-coarse-horse-hair-still-desperately-clinging-to-my-aspirations-of-being-a-long-haired-vixen look.

Until next time my friends,
please don't leave me for good.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

How was your Valentine's weekend?

(Until I get a new camera, all upcoming photos are plucked from the archives and will be potentially purposeless, aside from the fact that picture-less posts are boring, and therefore any picture is better than NO picture)


Ours was lovely.

*Tyler arranged for the girls to spend the night at Nonna and Pop's, then treated me to a romantic evening at home: candlelight dinner for two....with him cooking. (!)
The next morning, we awoke to a 7am call that Lily was sick and crying for her "Mommy". So nice to be needed (really).

*The rest of the weekend was spent in pajamas

*We quickly recovered from whatever ailment had struck, house was disinfected, and we reconvened normal existence as of February 14th. Back to the shopping, laundry, and a brief "Oh yeah, Happy Valentine's Day" to the Mr.

*I received a phone call from Lily's preschool teacher to go over some scheduling. She reiterated a story about Lily that made her laugh: At the beginning of the week, each student shared what they did over the weekend, and Lily informed the class that she had been naughty at church. She then professed that she would "never do that again."
Tobey (her classmate) responded, "You're never going to be naughty again?"
Lily replied, "No! I'm never going to church again."

*As promised, the girls and I baked sugar cookies all of Valentine's evening while listening to Disney Princess soundtracks. It was all fine and dandy until 10pm rolled around, cut-outs were still baking, dough smashed throughout all the tile grout on the floor, and I was left frosting cookie number nine hundred ninety nine while watching The Bachelor - all while wondering what had happened to my life.

*We delivered above mentioned cookies to a few friends, with Happy (Late) Valentine's Cards. I watched from the car as Lily and London ran up to Renee's door, shoving each other to and fro in an escalating rush to be the first to ring the doorbell. They ended up tripping over each other, falling to the ground - a fall which sent London colliding into the wall and the box of cookies sailing. Renee greeted two crying children at the door.**

(**And Renee, if you still check in on this blog, doesn't it just make ya want to have kids?!! Watch out Travis: when my snot nosed shrieking children arrive on your doorstep armed with smashed, day late sugar cookies, it can only mean one thing to the female occupant: B.A.B.Y. H.U.N.G.E.R.)

*I spent tonight holding Ellie Jane, singing her lullabies as she stared intently into my eyes. My heart oh my heart oh my heart be still. No words for moments like that.


The End.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Sweet Life Series....

Would you look at our beautiful Ellie girl?

So splendid on her blessing day....

and wearing the dress I was blessed in....

which is also the same dress her aunties and sisters were blessed in....

Hi pretty girl....

The whole fam' came out to celebrate....

Best baby buds: Ellie-belle and Zoe-bear

{who weren't in the mood to look or smile at the camera...}


Her Daddy gave her a wonderful blessing. Among the many beautiful things she was blessed with (which are a little too special to me to elaborate on in a silly blog),

it made mention of what a happy baby she is, and the utter joy she has brought into our lives. She was blessed that her joy would extend to all those who will know her in this life. other words, lucky you!

{And lucky us too}

It was a lovely day.

{Thanks for the pics Dan & Ali}

Thursday, February 10, 2011

We've found the bottom.

We celebrate the official demotion of this blog's credibility and dignity (as if it had either to begin with) in tonight's newest segment:

Please enjoy.


We entered the bathroom at Red Robin's this evening. After piano lessons and a massive migraine I had only two remaining items of business on the day's agenda: the avoidance of any and all forms of cooking and the consumption of a giant banzai burger with a side of fries smothered in ranch dressing.

London was actually in the process of being disciplined for continually crawling under the table and stealing the neighboring guests' container of Sweet & Low packets. We headed to the restroom for a time-out session. However, since we were already there, she quickly pounced on the opportunity to escape reprimand by announcing:

"Mom! I gotta go potty!"

Alright. We entered the stall and I helped her up on the toilet.

And we waited together.

For about 20 minutes.

This girl has a bowel system comparable to the efficiency of the local DMV.

"Are you done?"


3 minutes pass

"Are you ready?"


5 more minutes

It's the same process at home. And she always insists I accompany her, just for the visit. Strangely enough, these often become the most comedic and priceless moments of my day.

She shimmies and scoots herself into a comfortable position in the seat, looks up and admires her surroundings, and strikes up a conversation. We make small talk, until her eyes suddenly widen with alarm and disgust,

"Mom!!!! What schtinks (stinks)?!!!!"

"You London."


"Yep. Your body makes poop, and that is a good thing. It's okay to have stinky poopy, we all do. However, if at some point in your life you encounter those who might accuse you of 'acting like your poopy doesn't stink', I prefer that you NOT kowtow to others insatiable insecurities by apologizing for your obvious superiority. Okay?"

"My poopy? I got a LOTTA poopy."

"Yes you do. Are you done now?"


5 more minutes.




"Mom, you're gwross (gross)."

"What?! I'm gross?!"

"No, I jus goking (joking). You're schtinkin' cute."

"Thanks, you're stinkin' cute too. Are you done yet?"


5 more minutes



"You want me to dance?"



***Shimmy shimmy shake spin twist and turn heel kick, tappity tap...ta daaaa!!!***

I perform in the 2'x 2' space allotment of the stall. She follows my lead, slightly shifting her little hips (still on the potty) left and right, smiling and tossing her shoulders to the beat of the restroom radio speakers quietly humming in the background.

"You done now?"


Until next time.

We wash up and return to the table where a curious Tyler raises his eyebrows over our extended absence.

All I reply is: "She's her father's daughter."


My apologies.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

More to come.

My camera is broken. {again} The girls sneaked off and played with it and bam!, suddenly the lens won't bother functioning.

Add that to:

the busted baby swing
the shattered glorious white pitcher I had on our dining room table
one seriously chipped silver candelabra
all of the cracked candlesticks in the candelabra,
every single destroyed household remote
my missing piano metronome piece {rendering it useless}




and you'll understand why I'm confiscating every one of their favorite toys and holding them ransom until I come up with a child labor agenda suitable to pay back their debt to {my} society.

Ugg. I attempted to take them shopping today. I need new running shoes, and was prepared to plop down a little cash for a workout outfit that makes me feel slightly more attractive than my usual vomited upon t-shirts and saggy sports bras. Call me crazy, but I have this awesomely bizarre fantasy of me working out to my 1997 TaeBo dvd in our living room in super tight spandex and Tyler arriving home unexpectedly from work only to be shocked by such hotness occurring right in front of his very own television. I need an outfit that can get the job done. {and hide the stomach pooch that Lily keeps pointing at and asking, "Mom, if you don't have a baby in there...why is it still sticking out?"}

How did they behave? Oh, you can guess. Running through the stores, hiding under displays, screaming, giggling, pretending they had to go potty at the most inopportune moments and then exclaiming "just joking!" after I had already placed all items on hold, ran them quickly to the nearest restrooms, and plopped their naughty bums on a toilet.

One nice old gentlemen was thoroughly enjoying the chaos train as we paraded down the aisles. He walked parallel to us and complimented their cuteness {thank you, their only saving grace} and gave me this advice: "Enjoy these little ones, it all goes by so fast."

My response? "You enjoy this. I want to shop by myself."

After making a total scene at our second stop and finally embarrassing me to the very core, I reneged on the pairs of jeggings I said I'd purchase for them, stomped angrily out to the car and promised spankings and naps upon arrival at the house. I didn't really plan to spank them actually {even though I really reaaaally wanted to}, I just like the silence and fear it instills on the car-ride home. Despite the command for quiet time, Lily did muster the courage to request that I drop her off to "live at Grandma's house instead".

Later, as I tucked them in for naps, London looked up at me sweetly and said, "But still have to give me my spankin'."



And that is my story for today.

Stay tuned for updates on last weekend: Ellie Jane's blessing day coming up!!!! {once I get the photos uploaded from someone else's camera}

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Current Events

In recipe news:


Betty Crocker Spice Cake Mix, make according to cupcake directions.
{Did you really think I would make these from scratch?}

Orange Cream cheese frosting

8 oz cream cheese
1/4 cup softened butter
juice squeezed from half an orange, save the rest for the zest
1-2 cups powdered sugar

Mix above ingredients, adjust powedered sugar dependent on taste and how thick you like your frosting.

Garnish with orange zest and sprinkle with a bit of nutmeg.

Yummy. Big hit.


In church news:

Lily doesn't like Primary* lately.
(*children's Sunday church class)

Oh joy.

I had to attend last week, and spy in the back after I found her wandering the hallways of church while everyone else was in class. She basically tells her teacher she needs to go to the bathroom, then meanders down to the church library and asks the librarian to help her find her Grandma.

So when she peeked her head into the adult class and whispered out loud,
"Mom, I have to go poo poo..."

I figured things were getting out of control and I should just stick around the Primary room to make sure she stays put. So I watched.

What was she doing?

Examining London's teeth.

Seriously. I watched as Lily waved for London to come sit by her. Then she directed London to lay in her lap and open wide as she inspected her teeth.
London of course complied, and I watched this ludicrous scene in a stupor until Lily became exclaiming loudly, "Oh no London! There are lots of sugarbugs in there. Hold still! I'm not done yet!"

I marched up, and removed Lily to the halls.
I proceeded with the usual reverence lecture, telling her she is supposed to be listening to the teacher and the lesson and thinking about Jesus and flowers and sunshine and the whole schabang.

She was having none of it (lots of eye rolling).

And as I was about to resort to threats...

She sensed what was coming and outsmarted me:

"Mom, I want a spankin' and to go to time-out forever."

{rather than attend Primary}

Bad, bad Sunday.

Tyler and I attempted damage control for Monday's Family Home Evening. We all made 'reverence reminder cards', and talked about how we're supposed to behave in the Lord's house. They each colored a picture of themselves being reverent, and will bring them to church as a reminder to behave. Stickers will be awarded accordingly.


{These will not work.}


In Television News:

Is it just me, or is The Bachelor truly the best thing since sliced bread?

It is everything that is so good about everything that is so bad.

What is right about everything wrong.

Such a guilty, obnoxious pleasure.

Masterpiece theater.

Reducing, repackaging, and cheapening love for mass entertainment and money.
It's better than a Kay Jeweler commercial.

I sit and watch with a bag full of fun-size snickers: criticizing, analyzing, shuddering in embarrassment, soaking in all the awkward moments and manufactured steamy sentiment.

I hope it never ends.

My Favorite: Emily (minus the weird denture teeth)

My other Favorite: That naughty B. Michelle. She's like the sexy version of Cruella Deville.

This photo: Cirque du soleil Bachelor dressed as GI Joe with mascara pretty much sums it up better than I ever could.


Have a lovely week.