Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Sib Series Presents: Sibling #8

Meet Larissa.


The Grand Exclamation Point.

I like to think of her as God's finishing touch on the Hansen's contribution to overpopulation.

A message to all the naysayers.

Just look at that wittle itty bitty face.

What I would give to go back and squoosh and squeeze that munchkin.

The funniest, naughtiest little squirt you ever did meet.

Oh the stories I could tell.

One of my particular favorites was when she was a wee one, and over at the Stake President's house (Mormon lingo for division leader of an area of the church membership). Apparently, as related to my mother from another {horrified} mother....Larissa was among fellow itty tots and was trying to open a particular jar. Finding herself unable to open it she muttered:

"Awww, shit."

Oh my, the story is still funny, even after a decade.
Teenagers in the household (myself included...what...me? swear?) took the blame for that one.

What gives me hope in my darkest moments of frustration with my own little pipsqueeks is Larissa. She has turned out so marvelously really, despite her early indoctrination with foul language from rebellious teenage siblings/quasi-parents. My girlfriends in high school adored her, and would occassionally join us in a girls' night. We would slather Rissa and Mallory in green avocado masks and put their hair in curlers. A trip to Scolaris for piles of chocolate and candy was a must, along with rockin' out to the latest Hillary Duff single. It was so fun.

I remember a particular summer night my senior year of high school. I planned to meet up with Tyler and a group of friends for a regular night of fun/mischief/nogood. My Dad gave permission for me to leave but also gave me a curfew that night of 9:30pm.

that is no typo.


He might as well have sent me with a brown paper bag filled with a PB&J and a napkin scribbled with:

I love you.
Enjoy your social demise.

Hearts, Daddy.

9:30pm is like a lunch period for a 17 year-old. The day is just beginning. How could he?!!! I screamed and shrieked and freaked. He wouldn't budge. In fact, after his usual lecture on "the absurdity of teenagers believing they are entitled to 5 nights out a week during the summer", he told me I must "return by 9:30pm or not come home at all."

I spent a total of five minutes of social recreation and informed my friends that I had to return home. I pouted the entire drive. Stormed into the house and promptly tucked myself in bed. Only......two minutes later...............I thought..............SCREW THIS.


He thinks he can just tell me what to do, he thinks he can just walk all over me, he thinks he is the be all end all.....well just wait!! I'm outta here! You'll be sorry...you fool!! I threw open my closet and shoved every last article of clothing into the back seat of my Toyota Turcel and drove away.

I arrived back at the scene to see Tyler's shocked (yet pleasantly surprised) face, and informed him that I planned to survive on my lush minimum wage salary at TCBY Yogurt. Then I collapsed on the nearest smoke infested sofa and cried myself to pieces. Hardly a party.

I spent the night at my best friend's house. The next morning, after scribbling a projected budget and self-sustaining grocery list on a notepad (mainly comprised of dried lentils smuggled from friend's garage and 24 ounces of free frozen yogurt during daily shifts), I remembered I had promised to take Larissa for ice cream. I stoicly called home and professionally informed my Dad that I would be by to pick up my sister in a few hours and would return her later safely. His response:

"Nope. You said you're moving out. You will not be taking your sister anywhere."

That b&#*TSOf*$&#(OSHG. That cruel  &(UTIHSI&%(#*&# ^%(#Y%(UYSNIks conniving curfew doling oppressive manipulator!!!!!!!!

It seems dictator possessed the ultimate trump card, and he knew it. I returned home and unpacked my bags three hours later. He wins! I surrender for Larissa!


Larissa is about to entire her middle school years. Crazy.
She is sassy, athletic, funny, and oh so darn cute.
And as if her smokin' looks weren't killer enough, check out this girl in a hat:

This rip roarin' cowgirl happens to be an excellent horsewoman. She has been rodeo-ing her way around the State with her cousin Leah.

I worry about her so, this poor little eighth child......

Growing up under the rule of so many others.
It probably makes it hard for her to take control of her destiny......

I worry she'll be unable to defend herself......

To really take life by the horns......

and act independently from the herd......


Rissaroo, describe yourself in three words.

Athletic, Crazy, and Lovable

What is your happiest memory, and what makes it so special?
My happiest memory is when Dad took Mallory, Ian, Forrest and I to go fishing. And this is special because Dad always loved to take us on adventures.

What do you love that you do not openly express?

 Horses but i kinda express that and all the kinds of Animals.

What are you most grateful for? What are you least grateful for?

 I am most grateful for Mom and Dad and i am least grateful for horse poop because there is so much of it.

What do you fear? What makes you sad?

I fear of losing my family and when Mom or Dad are upset i am upset

If the Biebs (Justin Bieber) came up to you and said "Larissa, you are my dream girl. Will you marry me?" Would you accept?

 No because i am not as pretty as Mallory so i would tell him to marry Mallory.

List five reasons why you can - and will - do better than marrying the Biebs:

I have a life other than Justin Bieber, I am too young to marry, I'd rather take care of my horse, a wedding is too stressful for Mom and Dad, and I don't really like him that much

If the whole world were listening to you and you only had two minutes to speak, what would you say?

 Everyone needs to exercise more and animal rights people are babies.

{*insert editor's note. LOL. WHAT!!?!?? I think you mean animal rights 'activists' my dear. }

Why were you such a naughty toddler? Any advice for me dealing with my girls?

Well i was naughty because my older sister Rae didn't do such a great job of making me a good sweet girl as she did to Mallory and just let the kids be naughty now because later in life they will be good.

What do you love doing that makes you the most happy?

Horses and rodeos make me really happy because i feel like i am a super star.

What is your life motto?

Live life well. I don't really have one but just live your life and have fun because you don't know when the end will be.

A genie appears and grants you three wishes, what are they?

Well i would like a trillon dollars, to be the world fastest goat tier, and all of my family to be safe from everything dangerous in the world.


Rissa, you may not be the fastest goat tier (yet), but you are certainly the cutest.

Love you so. much.


Abbie said...

Rae, this sib series was so awesome. You are so freaking hilarious! I read every one. I'm so fascinated with big families.

So, are you gonna birth 8? (that's not personal at all, so just answer)

Daniel said...

Fantastic! Larissa might have stolen the sibling show with this post...

Well done!

We love you Larissa.

Joan said...

Mal is beautiful but not more than you. You are gorgeous!!! And youre a tough rodeo gal! I love it :)

Anonymous said...

love it thanks rae!

Mal said...

Larissa is my favorite.. the Justin Bieber comment has now made me feel invincible.. and larissa is definitely my little pal!! :) love you!

Mrs. Officer Andelin said...

I just love Larissa! I got to spend time with her during YW and I could never get enough. Never.