Saturday, August 27, 2011

Cable binge.

I've had it, I can't take it anymore! I just need one good hearty overdose of brain-fart. I'm going to order a better cable package for the month so that I stop spending my evenings reading the likes of Ayn Rand (subject: capitalism), Alister McGrath (subject: religion), and Christiane Northrup (subject: the intuitive workings of a woman's body. Hello chakras!).

Too much information. Too much.

Can a girl get some Real Housewives (subject: dumb and middle aged with money.) and Kim Kardashian (subject: dumb and young with money.) up in here? Just for thirty days, and then I'm sure I'll fill my internal quota for fashion tips, re-lose all hope for humanity and renew my cable boycott full throttle.

Actually, the true reason for a justified stint at cable is that I just learned that  Pioneer Woman is getting her own cooking show on Food Network (click here!)!! I am aching with joy and envy when I watch the previews. One of the first big meals I ever cooked my family (when I was 13 and home-schooled) was Chicken Fried Steak. If you watch the pilot episode, you'll see it's the first meal Pioneer Woman cooks her family for the show.

Dear Ree, chicken fried steak, home-school, attractive husbands?..... we're soul sisters.

My mother, noticing my new found interest in Taste of Home magazine and wishing to foster every geeky bend in my personality, suggested she pay me to cook meals three nights a week for the family. Cha-ching. I immediately browsed the issues to come up with my first weekly menu. As I perused the pages I glanced at a photo of a woman sitting with her four adult daughters around a red and white checkered picnic table. They sat under a big oak tree on a glowy summer evening in the middle of a lush green field, each of the five holding up a different baked good with a dazzling smile. Think triple chocolate layer cakes and strawberry pies flanked by 1980's Aqua Net feathered hair goddesses with fuchsia lips and shoulder pads. Wow....I stared wide-eyed and thought, this...this, is happiness.

Watching Ree prepare a meal for her hardworking family in the countryside brings all those feelings back. I think I could be happy forever with such a vocation. Marinated tomato salads with herbs from the garden, horses on the horizon, my children expending enough energy to justify feeding them a pound of butter daily. Sigh. It's why I'll continue to browse foreclosed properties on the outskirts of town and beg Tyler to move. I can just see us now in a dilapidated old building, surrounding by acres of dry dusty sage and a few token chickens as we google "how to start a cattle ranch". Sounds dreamy, doesn't it?

No, you say? You sound just like my husband.

Until then, I'll settle for television.

...............................................


Post edit: The cost of today's blogging time.

I let Ellie play with a handful of washable markers with the lids on. It's my ingenious way of teaching colors. Here Ellie belly boo, your sisters just finished coloring so knock yourself out and let me know when you can pronounce the word yellow. However, lost in the daze of my above mentioned reoccurring fantasies involving mashed potatoes and gravy,
I failed to notice....


She now

knows how


to remove


the lids.

oops.

















7 comments:

Mrs. Officer Andelin said...

Oh my gosh. I had the same thoughts today when I got online and saw that Ree's show airs today. I kept trying to come up with reason to get cable. I wish I could just sign up for Food Network. That is all I would need anyway.

Instead, I made the pioneer woman's cinnamon toast.

Holy cow. Have you tried?

Jamee
xoxo

Jackie Baclayon said...

Instead of raising cattle, why don't you freelance your entertaining, insightful writing? You amaze all of us who read your blog. Why not share it with more people and inspire them as well?

Sarah Gurries said...

This post made me laugh. It pretty much sums you up. I am also a huge fan of those photos of Ellie Belle and if you bail on me next weekend I might have a meltdown. Also, did you look at those stray eyebrow hairs? They are pretty amaze ( Kardashian version of amazing....you will understand by the end of the month).

Amy said...

Love me some PW. =)

rae said...

jamee - no I haven't tried the french toast, must put that one on the list.

Jackie - thank you so much! you flatter me...for now i'm too amateur but someday, someday.

Sarah - i know, the eyebrow is amaze. it's totally sticking up due to some sort of crusted saliva. i'm a good mommy. and yes, i'm TRYING to be there this weekend

renee said...

I totally watched the chicken fried steak episode of Pioneer Woman yesterday morning!! Amazing. I will be happy to DVR any/all episodes if your attempt to cable binge doesn't work out ;) Just come on over!

Renee

Natalie in Sparks said...

I love your eloquence mixed with the humor! you really are a good writer. speaking of pioneer woman, i saw her post about a year ago featuring her homemade raised donuts and they looked amazing! I think about them(usually around the same time of the month - haha) and how much I want to make them. Then I think about how big I want my butt to get and I don't make them. One of these days...(when I have lost the last 5-10 pounds and feel like I can splurge on donuts.