Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Londrama.



Excusing myself of any naively high expectations and assuming that my children will end up on a therapist's couch one day, my bets are on this child. Oh my Londy girl, I can just see it now.

And then my Mom was so rude to me and I was like Mom why are you being so rude to me and she was like so rude to me and then I was crying and she kept being so rude to me....

In fact, just yesterday I believe the above was a verbatim ramble she was sob-muttering as she was forced to pick up her (gasp! oh no! how awful!) barbies. Last week, the girls were supposed to clean  their playroom. Lily dutifully began cleaning, while London sat - ignoring every plea/command/threat/bribe I could come up with - sipping tea with her baby doll. Once Lily and I had cleaned every last speck of the room I looked around and praised Lily's efforts,

"Lily, I think you get a sticker for working so hard. Thank you!"

London immediately perked up, standing at attention,

"What about me Mom!?! What about me!? Do I getta sschtica?"

"No! No way. You ignored clean up time and instead chose to play ponies."


Oh no.


Here it comes....


watch out....

Eyes widen....

lower lip begins quivering....

Tears fill eyes....

Shock turns to rage turns to hysteria...


"YOU'RE MEAN!!!!!"


Sobbing, shrieking pandemonium

"WHY YOU SO MEAN TO MEEEE?!!!!????"

"London, I'm not being mean. You made a bad choice."

"NO!!! NOOOO!"

"I NOT YOUR MUDDA ANYMORE!"

"I DON'T WANT MY DAD, 
I DON'T WANT MY BABY
I DON'T WANT MY SHISTA

I WANT A NEW MOM AT COSTCO!!!"
FOR EBER AND EBER!!!

{FOR EVER AND EVER}
{And have you checked out the new Mom samples at Costco? To die for, next to the eggrolls.}

She runs, crying into the other room.


If I ever write a children's book, this girl would be my character. In fact, I'm sure she jumped out of the pages from somewhere. She's fantastically entertaining, melt-your-knees darling, and pure and simple d.r.a.m.a. It could be a best-seller for sure....which will help pay for all that future therapy.





















5 comments:

Parker & Chelsey DeMille said...

this is hilarious...
"and she was like so rude to me..."
hahaha!

good news: at least she's adorable. it makes all the onlookers (like myself) think her actions are endearing. the not-quite-as-adorable (what's a politically correct/kind way to say not-so-cute? can you say that about a child without people thinking you're an evil baby hater?) sassy children are the ones you see and feel sorry for the poor parent who has another 15 years left in servitude :)

btw...I think she's going to love reading these posts someday. She'll get a kick out of what a sass-bucket she was and thank you for not handing her off to the Costco mom who always smelled a bit like eggrolls.

hope you have a fun weekend ahead!

i can't wait to have these kinds of adventures.

Mrs. Officer Andelin said...

oh please write a book!! pretty please...?

Jamee
xoxo

Emily said...

First of all, it's called second daughter syndrome. I suffer from it. I think sarah may too. All second daughters i know have it. Secondly, yes, write a book.

rae said...

Chelsey - oh my your comment made me laugh, and thank you for at least categorizing my london in the 'sassy but at least still really cute' department. I thank my stars every day for that. She wouldn't survive otherwise!

Jamee- if I do, i will need your graphic design help, yes?

Emily - you are SO RIGHT...second daughter syndrome!!! Sarah-bear is just as much drama!!! lol. This is all making so much sense now...
oh yeah, and come to san fran to visit sarah: we'll meet! we could do a christmas shopping excursion!!

Joan said...

Only you would talk about a Christmas shopping excursion in September?!?! haha. You little bargain shopper, you. Although I do think I need to follow your example and shop when the pressure is not on.
Idk...I guess I just find that if I start shopping earlier that I just end up buying more in the end? Is that true for you?