Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Let's start with the part where Rae lost control of her entire existence...

I am 27 years old and now the mother of almost four children. F.O.U.R. 


When I think of it, I skim through a wide array of thoughts/emotion.

This is happy
this is insane
this is not that insane
well, a little
i am completely overwhelmed
i am so grateful
i am scared
but not that scared
but okay, a little scared
i always wanted this
am i normal?
i hope so
i hope not
what will people think?
who cares what people think
will i be a good mom to four?
of course i'll be a good mom to four.
no, no i will quite possibly be a terrible mother to four
i'm barely holding on with three
but they are a marvelous bunch
i am doing a good job
i am at least trying to do a good job
nobody has it better than me
somebody save me

Who could have possibly foreseen that this stream-of-consciousness would be the direct consequence of a random weeknight date turned utterly reckless after husband utilized a dangerous amount of flirt-eye while complimenting my $7 Target Merona shades over a sampler of dessert Pazookies? I had just gotten a smokin' deal on self-tanner as well. The sheer vulnerability of this situation was obvious in the manufactured golden hue of my legs....

somebody was feeling a little too invincible.

So, Ladies beware:

self-tanner + pazookies + sweet talking husband = babies babies babies.

We've known since the last week of July, as I nervously paced the floors biting my nails and lamenting to Tyler the predicament I believed we had gotten ourselves in. And in all honesty, I was scared and very much feeling like this was not the time to have a baby. I already have a baby!, I thought. 

Once I received the positive test, I cried - then smiled - then cried - then smiled.

And as miracles go, it didn't take long for a gentle peace to settle over my being. 
This baby is meant to be, a blessing indeed.

As far as I'm concerned, 
there are no 'mistakes' in this family.
no 'accidents'.

Just surprises.  

And I've always loved a good surprise. 


Abbie said...

Congratulations!! Your girls + that little babe are lucky (blessed) to have you as their momma.

P.S. I feel suuuper special that I knew before you posted it on your blog. How do I make a sly smiling emoticon? :?

renee said...

You will be a GREAT mom to four! Congratulations Rae and Tyler!

Mrs. Officer Andelin said...

I have no doubt that you will absolutely be an outstanding mother of four...

i think of you all the time Rae, i really need to call and check on you.


Emily Anne said...

i love this post.
funny and sweet and real.
i'm excited for you. just throw your arms wide open to the crazy (and the wonderful :)


Joan said...

Life is so good, Rae. You are blessed...mama of FOUR what the SHIZ-AY!? haha. I AM STILL DYING ABOUT IT....and jealous. Really. I am.

Natalie in Sparks said...

cute and funny post! Like you are just thinking aloud - i love it! Everything will be fine and it always works out.
Just imagine my surprise when I found out I was having twins when my "baby" was 14 months old! We got through it, and although hard at times, it was awesome to have them so close. And I am still sane! (I think!)