Monday, October 31, 2011

Control.



Our Sunday was a bit of a surprise. What began as an ordinary Sabbath day with intentions of peace, worship, rest, and family unexpectedly turned. I felt on top of the day as the morning began, we had a few hours before church began and I folded the last bits of clothing from summer that were to be boxed away. The piles were neatly stacked and labeled, ready for the attic.

Then.
I.
climbed.
into.
the.
attic.

What happened next can only be described as a maniacal frenzy, a burst of the most premature nesting instinct that has hit our home in a long time. Tyler arrived home from church meetings expecting to pick me and the girls up pressed and primped. What he instead encountered was the wrath of the organizational monster, the deranged gaze of a woman knee deep in boxes and fiberglass and indignation. 


Tyler said nothing, he knew well enough that nothing would be able to withstand this momentum. Not even God, The Ten Commandments, or any talk of a Sabbath Day. The woman was crazy. The fury spread like wildfire, and swept through every closet and cabinet. Linens, sewing materials, household utilities, decorations, clothing, shoes: all of it purged purged purged. The office that had so long been a source of unfinished aggravation was focused on. Come to think of it, anything that had ever been a source of aggravation or even the mildest irritation was addressed with direct and merciless attention.

Broken curtains were repaired. The unfinished corner painted. Pictures framed. Bulletin boards hung.


Three trips to Goodwill and approximately 8 hours later, a garage was full of neatly assembled containers. The office stood looking fresh and workable, the floors on our bedroom closet rediscovered. My fabrics were finally folded and color coordinated in my new sewing cabinet. I established a space to house all the birthday wrapping paper and supplies that had been stuffed for too long in my hall cupboard of shame.....

and 
felt
so
tired
and
yet
so
much 
better.

A few things have been aggravating me of late. And I find when there are circumstances in my life in which I have no control, I tend to refocus my energy on the myriad of smaller things I can control. Control what you can control...I tell myself. If it be finances or family relations or just the realities of life, I can channel the pent-up energy to do something. And if that means reclassifying our home library according to the dewy decimal system, then so be it. I justify this psychosis by titling it the 'conscious creation of my home', my best reality. 

My good friend's little 18 month-old daughter was recently diagnosed with leukemia. My heart sank when I heard the news. The shock hit hard, and has since settled into quiet and somewhat tormented introspection. I can't help but hurt for my friend, and shudder at the truth that life - any life - can change in an instant. Your perfectly darling child, the center of your world and object of your heart's most earnest prayerful desires, can still fall ill. Your pleas and attempts at safety and control can never prevent everything. She was just over playing with my girls two weeks ago! What was a month of Halloween goodies and treats and costume preparation has morphed into chemotherapy and heartache. It haunts me and makes me feel so helpless. And yet her mother is so strong, and hopeful. We all are. We have good reason to be so. 

It serves as another solemn reminder of how silly my own daily problems may seem. Life, if but for a moment, shifts into its rightful perspective.


And so I'll keep praying, and continue cleaning.





























4 comments:

Karrasch Clique said...

So my first thought was...do you want me to fly you to PA so you can come organize my house? Second..I know that it is the BEST feeling getting things that you have put off finally finished! That is awesome. I am also sorry to hear about your friend...a bit devastating...we wish them the best.

Natalie in Sparks said...

I love cleaning sweeps. Pregnancy will do that to you too! THings that never bothered you drive you CRAZY! LOVE it!
Amen to what you said about Shawna and Tenley. SO weird to think that her life has taken such a turn.

Joan said...

So Im assuming you skipped church altogether?! SIN! :) haha. I am laughing at how dramatic every detail of your cleaning frenzy is bc it is accurate! Its one of the m a n y reasons our souls speak the same language. I wouldnt have it any other way :)

amy m. said...

Beautiful post Rae.