Saturday, October 15, 2011

Don't let me blog lonely AND past 9pm

It's 9:30pm Saturday night and my two oldest are watching the second episode of Hannah Montana on Netflix (long naps today, and i have no legitimate excuse for allowing Hannah Montana. They also still steal Ellie's binkies and I don't take them away if it means ten minutes...or thirty...or three hours of silence. Sue me.}.

Hubs is {yet again} out of town, and since I find myself lonely and unable to use the only workable television in the house, I've chosen instead to be wildly productive and peruse blogs and update myself enough on facebook to feel mildly suicidal. Is it just me that this affects so?

{Backyard explorations: Ellie edition}

I can't complain about Tyler's business trips. They haven't been nearly as frequent as they were with the last pregnancy. Plus he has a job, a job that he loves no less. And in this economy, that means we are about as lucky as can be. But this month he happens to be gone two weeks out of the entire month. BBBblllleeeeh.

Oh yes, speaking of husbands and inappropriate late night revelations, I forgot to mention the sweetest bit of advice he gave me during that last motherly meltdown.

I think you need more sex....

Sigh, if only I had a dime for every time a man suggested such a solution...we wouldn't need husbands with jobs at all, now would we? How sweet of you darling, of course! Why didn't i think of that?

Oh yes, I know! Because in the spare moments that I do get time to steal myself away from the constant pull of raising our offspring and over-caffeinate myself enough to be able to climb into the cozy confines of our sheets without entering an instant coma so that I can actually nuzzle your hotness...., the second I so much as shift an article of clothing on my body in chimes the freak internal 'sports commentator' dialogue voicing alternately between the likes of John Madden and Al Micheals.

Whooooa! Would you look at those thighs!! She's pulling out all the BIG stops now....

John, in all your years of broadcasting have you ever seen anything like this?

Knowing her history I might have guessed this maneuver, but in order to win somebody is going to have to address this serious problem with lighting....

The whiteness....the whiteness of it all....John, it's blinding!

shut up shut up shut up shut up.

And if it that's not the issue, it's that I have forgotten to take my daily dosage of Tums/Beano to silence the squelching of my squished intestines.Wrong type of moaning.

Was that just your stomach making that weird gurgling noise?

Nooo. No! 
I was just smelling your neck...
MMMmmmmmm. MMMmmmm.

It didn't really sound like that.

What? huh?! MMmmmmmmmm



shut up shut up shut up.

In other awesomely pathetic information that MUST. BE. SHARED.

Ever used a Neti-pot?????

Oh my flipping lanta it is to die for. A sinus rinse, who knew?!!! The wonders! My allergies almost instantly improved, my nose cavities moisturized! I beg you, please get one. You will not regret it.

So let's see,

Kids in total control of Netflix past 9pm
I'm alone on a Saturday night
Perusing sister's best friend's mother in-law's daughter's wedding album on Facebook
Blogging about my (way too somebody please stop her i will never think of her the same) personal life
and lack of self esteem and control over gastrointestinal region
While recommending Neti-pots for sinus health

Yep, that about covers it for tonight.

Here's wishing you a happy weekend!

1 comment:

Artfulife said...

You are cracking me up!