Friday, December 9, 2011

Mother Earth.

I hope for snow in December. But in the absence of it, I can still appreciate that in NV the cold blue sky stretches endlessly with a crisp freshness to it. The clear air feels cleansing. The kids needed out, and the day was pleasantly mild so we headed to where our neighborhood ends and the 'desert meets the hills'. They explored to their heart's content. It's amazing what children find interesting. The curiosity is infectious and fun.

Ellie Jane mostly kept slipping and falling down in tears while trying to keep up with her big sisters.

As I watched them roam and explore, I once again thanked my lucky stars that there are days like this. Simple ones that turn somewhat cantankerous and remind me that I need to let them be free. I love removing the boundaries that sometimes make our life feel stuffy or monotonous.

Shortly after having Lily, I remember remarking to a sibling, "I can't believe I am her mother. Like our know, our MOM? M-O-M....the very center of our childhood...the voice of our early existence....the ultimate presence....the source....the mother flipping earth kind of mother......?!!! I am that to someone now? I am that person to her. The person who for good or bad will be the single-handed greatest influence."

And I liked that baby so darn much it made me shudder to think of failing her. And then came more babies, and more love, and more awe. And I still sometimes shudder. I am the source. I am the voice. I am the influence.

It is such a privilege, it is exciting, it  is exhausting. 

The summation of our existence largely lay in the small things. The hair brushing and bathing, the cooking and cleaning, the stories and laughter....and yes, the sometimes shouting and screaming and crying.
I wonder what their memories will be....

I wonder which ones will take hold strongest. As they grow and make their journey through life I wonder what it will be when they say to each other, "Remember when Mom........?"

What will my imprint be?

If my sincerest prayers are answered, although they may remember the frantic mannerisms of their mother keeping up with the hectic pace of life....I hope most that they will remember how much I smiled. How happy the foundation of this experience has been. I hope the memories will feel warm, even on the coldest days.


amy m. said...

Wonderful post. What a cool, adventurous, fun, thoughtful mom, they'll say, among many other things. :)

Joan said...

You DIVA! In your flower knit head band thingy and Top Gun sunglasses :) It makes me happy to think of four mini Rachels in the world. I need strong, feminine, determined, Gospel centered girls to marry my valiant, noble sons ;) So thank you (& Tyler) for taking the "multiply and replenish" commandment to the next level! Haha.