Friday, October 5, 2012

An exercise in maturity: pillow-talk style.

Tyler likes to do things to annoy me. In fact, I think he's found my crazy-eyed-spastic-inability-to-control-irritation-levels mildly attractive?  He also calls me pitifully "gullible".

Basically, he could arrive home,  grab a suitcase and order me in a most urgent and severe tone to begin packing because the emergency broadcast system just received a report of satanic red-eyed unicorns flying in from the moon shooting forth a new strain of the bubonic plague through their hooves in an all out biochemical warfare against humanity
to which i would reply

"tyler, don't be RIDICULOUS..........

i know the perfect place in fact i was thinking about what we would do in such an event yesterday when we were at the park and i scouted this deep dry sand gully thinking you can never be too sure so all we need to do is grab some sort of pepper spray and ammunition and we should be good to go.....


So yes, I will admit I have a problem with the occasional confusion of absurd fantasy with a more mundane and simplified reality but I will also go to my grave defending my once-upon-a-time decision to run screaming from the movie theaters thinking we were under an al-Queda attack. 
(long story.)
 besides, 9/11 had just occurred (three years prior).
And hellooOOoo, Reno NV is clearly like prime time terrorist real estate, ya know?
I was being cautious.


Anyhoo. One of Tyler's periodic tricks is to begin talking to me right as he senses I am on the brink of the most intoxicating and inviting slumber that I have been in patient anticipation of all day. We're tucked in all cozy like in our bed, my alarm is set for the next morning, I downed a nightly vitamin with my glass of water, and I fluff my pillow just so that it folds under my neck how I like it. AAAwwwwwwww. But he knows me. The schemer just knows me and consequently is aware that [due to my high regard and constant nagging  for open communication and good listening skills within our relationship] I will not leave him hanging. As heavy lidded as I may be I will always respond. 


entering sleep cycle. oh sweet shut-eye  how i love thee.....

T: "so today at work it was pretty crazy because I was handling this client and he was telling me how in the last review he had with our vendor that prices were actually declining around 2%......"

uh huh, oh that's nice....
[but i'm so sleeeeepy]

T: "but come to find out i went back over my quarterly report and noticed that in all actuality it wasn't falling at all in fact they were"

"mmm hmmm. really?"
[stay awake stay awake stay awake]

T: "being padded by the cost of freight shipping where they were starting to make up for revenue due to high fuel prices"

[focus rae, keep listening. it is important for a man to open up...let him release about the work day]

T: "i want to redo the way that we report our sales as a division anyways because we could really do with a little more cohesiveness throughout the company"


T: "it is strange to me that we're not all on the same - OH WAIT, I'M SO SORRY BABE...WERE YOU TRYING TO SLEEP?"

i hate you.
you mean to tell me that was like two wasted minutes of REM cycle on made-up bullcrap?!!

T: "AAa haaaaaaaaa! suckaaaa!"

uGH you are so annoying! ya know, you really should be careful because you are dealing with a girl here anyways
we INVENTED annoying.
Two can play this game.

T: "Sorry, I just can't help it."

Sorry, I just can't help it.

T: "It's just too easy."

It's just too easy.

T: "Wait, are you copying me right now?"

Wait, are you copying me right now?

T: You're really doing this. You're really playing the copying game.

You're really doing this. You're really playing the copying game.

T: Fine.


T: Tyler is awesome.

Tyler is awesome.

[oldest trick in the book.]

T: Oh you think I'm awesome? Thanks!

Oh you think I'm awesome? Thanks!

T: My name is Rachel and I smell like butt.

My name is Rachel and I smell like butt.

[scratch that...oldest oldest trick in the book. duh.]

T: Oh, you're saying you smell like butt?

Oh, you're saying you smell like butt?

T: "Hmmm. very nice."

Hmmm. very nice.

T: "okay, give this a shot."

okay, give this a shot.

T: " &#*#(%&(%&#*@Y% (Insert language and imagery only appropriately disclosed within the bounds of matrimony and still then only something the male party would come up with)%&@#$%$*^&"

[crap. thinking. thinking.]

[oh you'd just love me to say that out loud.]

[Stare down.]

[Eye brows raised.]

"You wish, buddy. You wish."

T: "Haaa! I win."

Night. I love you.

Night, love you too. [darn it.]

[un-qualified to raise future humans, and yet here we are.]

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