Tuesday, June 4, 2013

the content we keep.

I won't be posting much this week. I need to dedicate all free time to preparing a talk for church on Sunday. A "talk" is just Mormony lingo for a speech of sorts. And I will tell you, with my somewhat limited world religion encyclopedia, that it is only in Mormonism....yes, ONLY in Mormonism where new people in the congregation are compelled to stand and introduce themselves by way of a twenty minute speech that elaborates on a theological concept. Indeed! Can you think of any better way you would like people to learn about you than to PUBLICLY SPEAK? Haven't they gotten the memo yet about people's NUMBER ONE FEAR?!

But actually, I appreciate the vulnerability quite a bit, so long as I'm not the one feeling vulnerable. One of my favorites weeks of the month to attend church is the fourth Sunday when members of the congregation can stand and share something they believe. Kind of like an open mic day. It is beautiful. It is messy sometimes. Some token cray cray's have been known to chat about some fabulously cray cray things in my day. And you know what? I love it. This is humanity in action, no? 

I've been having a hard time mustering the mojo to get this blog back in action. The problem isn't that I have nothing to post about, the problem is I have TOO MUCH to post about. And it's scattered. Wildly scattered. In fact, I'm sure if I dedicated myself to daily posting each topic that crosses my mind I'm sure it would make a clear case for ADHD. 

I've been trying to collect myself and decide what this blog really should be about. Because you don't just publicly write and put things out there without any intentions whatsoever, right? This is a hobby, it is an outlet. But who am I serving, ya know? Is anyone ever stepping away from reading feeling remotely enlightened? Encouraged? Amused? Annoyed?!

Every now and then I get an email from someone who reads, and instantly that person becomes the new so-and-so who is reading the blog. I even had ONE PERSON, who ISN'T my mother, tell me that I am their FAVORITE blog (my dear friend, she must not get around much!):) 

Do you have any idea what an HONOR THAT IS? To be even one person's self described favorite?!!! 
Here's what this does to me to know that:
I get more nervous about posts. I wonder what the individual will think. I worry that my content is not suitable to their tastes. I wonder if my thoughts will seem flippant and silly given their life circumstances or perspective. Or completely nerdy and too philosophical or bizarre, given how much obviously cooler such reader is than me.  I go back and notice an old post and feel hideously embarrassed over something stupid I shared. And then I begin to wonder why share at all? Why open up and post anything publicly? Why not just get on instagram and be DONE with this whole business?

Writing, publicly, in any form, is truly like standing naked in front of the world. No...no...I take that back. It's like standing naked, stretching out your deflated no longer breastfeeding breasts, wrapping them around your shoulders, and counting the stretchmarks with a magnifying glass in front of the world. 

Exposing your mind, and all its deficiencies, its inadequacies, its misgivings, its grammatical errors, is terrifying. And strangely, exhilarating. And cathartic. 

It's something I decided is worth a go. And consequently, I can't constantly be concerned over who is in the audience. I must be me. Scattered. Goofy. Thoughtful. Messy. It will not always be cotton candy fluffy goodness. It will not always be funny. It will not always be informative. Heck, it will not always be coherent. Instead, it will be reflections and outpourings from me. Things that hopefully will serve some purpose. And if nothing else, it is a personal  sounding board for thoughts that stream incessantly through a mind hell bent on seeking out new and good things. 

Going forward, I hope to provide more content. I'm pining to fuse a little more of my inner life into this narrative. So beware, it might get boring. But I promise to lace it thoroughly with pictures of my girls, so you can count on an illustrated classic (in that sense at least). And let's be real, I will still need to post pictures of my hair and shoes on occasion too. And food. There will always be food. Meal Planning Mondays will be back soon. That will be a regular. I am also going to post a new mini-series edition over the next year. Each one dedicated to a topic I find worth exploration. I hope you'll enjoy it!

First series coming in July: Radical Homemaking. It's like...totally. rad. huh huh, get it?

K peeps, I'm off, hope you enjoy your week!


1 comment:

Alexis said...

(In my best Barry White voice)...Right on, Right on...(or rather write on, write on).
You feel vulnerable? Well of course you do! You live in a society where everything you do or believe is criticized and analyzed; especially in the arena of home and family life because that is where so much of the failures in our society are. People just look for reasons to burst your bubble or rain on your parade because misery loves company.
When you write, it is the honesty of your thoughts that are compelling, thought provoking and best of all, FUNNY :)
Keep it real...