Wednesday, November 13, 2013

On ToothFairies.

I want to talk about this kid now.

Cuz really. She is just the bees knees.

I have to say, I really think the most amazing, miraculous, blow-my-mind part of motherhood has been the experience of witnessing how my very own, singular heart can beat in such multiple, separate, distinctive, infinitive ways for each of my children.

Last week, she lost her second tooth. It was a BIG DEAL. As always.

She insisted she didn't want to give it to the tooth fairy. Instead, she said she was going to make a necklace out of it. Okay then, said I.

I should have known.

I am her MOTHER. I have been RAISING this child.
How could I have not seen this coming from a mile away?!

{Finn and Lily, buds.}

The next morning, she stormed accusingly, triumphantly, indignantly! through my bedroom door and announced:


"Whattttttt? What are you talking about Lu?"

She squinted her eyes knowingly at me as she pointed at my face and explained,

"Last night. Last NIGHT. I PUT MY TOOTH UNDER MY PILLOW. And guess what? THE TOOTH FAIRY DIDN'T COME. I tricked YOU."

{{......son of a gun!!??! Think fast think fast think fast think fast. Outwitted by a seven year old. AGAIN.....}}

{shrug nonchalantly}

"Hmm. That's odd. Very interesting."

I stroked my chin with my thumb pensively, setting a real nice Sherlock Holmes vibe to the scene.

"Well, did you say you wanted her to come OUT LOUD?"

Why did I need to say it out loud?"

"Well, because, ahem, you know...well, EVERYBODY KNOWS really...that if you declare OUT LOUD that you DON'T want the tooth fairy to come, when really you DO, then you must reverse that declaration by saying OUT LOUD again that you DO indeed want her to come."

{silence. stare down. don't blink don't blink don't blink. she's been able to smell insecurity since her infancy}


"Because think about it, Lu. For all she knew you wanted to STORE it under your pillow. As a keepsake?A good luck charm? Something to give you good dreams? The tooth fairy isn't going to go swiping it, STEALING teeth that she expressly OVERHEARD is not intended for her taking. You know."**

{hold the gaze. hold it hold it hold it hold it.}
{**if there is some sort of existential Hell for all the unethical liarface santa claus toothfairy easter bunny parents out there, i have just consigned my fate to it for eternity. whatever, sign me up. but i'm not going down without a fight.}

The stare down continued for another minute. Until, a slow surrender,  marked by a single raised brow and a suspicious glare as she ssslowly paced backwards out of my bedroom. It was Lily's signature I've got your number signal.

PHHHHHEW. Can't screw this up. Kid's going to be up watching like a HAWK {or Haack? cccclever!} all night.

I'm doomed.


Later, after a hectic day, I crashed into my bed around midnight. Settled into my pillow ready for sleep when luckily I suddenly jolted to attention! Tooth fairy time!!!!! I ran downstairs and grab a $5 bill (a bit of a raise, call it a guilty late fee}. I sneaked into her room and found her breathing to the heavy, rhythmic beat of deep slumber. The contours of her ever developing, beautiful features still encase the last remnants of the cherubic baby-face I've studied nightly for seven years. I peeked under her pillow to feel around for the tooth. I felt a small box. I quickly slipped the $5 bill under and tip-toed out of the room.

As I stepped out into the light of the hallway I opened my hand to see a miniature Milk Dud box, wrapped in construction paper like a miniature gift. I unwrapped the contents to find her tooth wrapped in a miniature note that she had composed with extra-miniature handwriting.

Dear Toothfairy,

Thank you for my teeth.
This is for you.


And inside she had tucked a coppery, shiny penny. 

And at that moment, past midnight, holding her mini Milk Dud box and sweet note and little tooth and shiny penny,

I cried.


Dear Lily,

This toothfairy thanks you.

{And loves you, more than any other sparkly Toothfairy biotch
 with wings and a big silvery tutu ever could.}




Whitney M. @ The Married Me said...

Perfect post! Love the story :)

The Mrs. said...

So tender!

My kids are on to something. They think I am THE tooth fairy. not just my children's tooth fairy, but like THE tooth fairy for all the world.

They say it explains why I am so tired.


Rachel Haack said...

Thank you Whitney! Had to record this one for sure...:)

Rachel Haack said...

And so beautiful!;)
I hope you feel better soon :(

Casady said...

I cried reading this post... HAHA guess I am 7 months pregnant! Kids are so dang cute! Truly I see a lot of Lily in Zoe and it makes me excited for the stories to come. Love you!!

Shinae said...

Loved this story.....

Rachel Haack said...

I miss that Zoe girl!!!!! And soon u will have TWO ?!! Gggget ready!

Rachel Haack said...

Thanks nae nae, lily will appreciate that when she someday comes to you to trash talk about her crazy mama because you are the cool one.;) I can't wait to see you soon!

Amanda Turner said...

I did too and I'm not Preggos! So sweet Rae