Friday, July 11, 2014

Taking stock.


Starting with: this rather creepy zombie selfie. whatever. i haven't uploaded my camera or done any editing lately.

Need to: catch up on my life.

Currently missing: my two big girls. Lily and London stayed back in NV for an extra week with grandparents. I've never been in our home so long without them. And it is weird. I'm walking around my house and it feels consistently half full. However, when I call to tell them how much I miss them, they respond by asking to stay an additional week. What's up with that?! Come on!?!! For cryin' out loud, you're not seventeen, ladies! You're not SUPPOSED TO ENJOY BEING AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER? AM I TOO STRICT? DEMANDING? NEEDY? DO I ANNooOOOY YOU?! IS THAT IT?!! WHY WHY WHY?!
Geez. You always think you are going to be a "normal" parent. Then something like this happens. This whole ordeal has only driven me mildly insane. I have work to do. I must somehow win them back!
I can't imagine what this foreshadows about my future behavior when they eventually leave for college. I'm in no emotional state to consider that now.

Loving: Summer. So far, it's been rather indulgent and lovely.

Planning on: meeting a friend at the pool today.

Trying hard to: consistently wake up early. I think this will always be a struggle in my life. But every day that I wake up early, and squeeze in a little exercise, is a day that I feel I've won an important battle with the overly ninny, wimpy side of myself. For whatever reason, my brain releases such a potent cocktail mixture of "I would rather die and sleep forever" every morning when I wake up and consider getting out of bed. It's been like this my entire life. I am NOT a morning person. Heck, I'm not really even a "wake up" person, because it doesn't matter if it's 6am or noon. In that transition from deep slumber to awakening, I am literally a person who considers staying in bed, forever, every.single.day.of.my.life. The cocktail wears off about an hour after I've pulled myself out of bed, thank goodness. But it doesn't make the battle, in that moment, any easier.
So far, I'll say I'm proud of myself. I'm winning.

Procrastinating: school assignments.

Eating: fresh blueberries and raspberries. Another blessing of summer, cheaper produce!

Relishing: all the good lovin' I regularly get from Emerson these days. Honestly, this girl is just so good to me. Hugs all the day long. She is a such a snuggler. It's pure soul food, the squeezes I get with my Emmieluv.

Reading: The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Only one chapter in, but feeling excited about this one.

Contemplating: certain inner life concerns as of late. Which, sorry for the rather random post a couple weeks back discussing John Dehlin and Kate Kelly. I understand that many non-Mormons who read may not have understood where it was coming from. My mother-in-law and I were on the phone shortly thereafter and she was like, "So? Your blog post? What was that all about?"
I knew that it was very insider-Mormon-speak of me to mention it on the blog, but I just felt like I wanted to say something to my fellow Mormon people. Something to the effect of I am hurting and deeply troubled by all of this. It has reopened some old wounds I've tried very hard to keep tightly stitched up. It has led to Tyler and I having important, private conversations about our life and our family and our relationship with our beloved faith. Moving forward, I intend to keep my faith journey a mostly private affair. I'll just finish with my personal conviction that faith and organized religions can be messy, beautiful, complicated things. I am not private in declaring how valuable I think they really are. But navigating both the love and the mess can be tricky sometimes.

Grateful for: Tyler.

Sprucing up: our playroom. Trying to make it more school-work friendly. Excited to post photos!

Thrilled to discover: we have a LEMON TREE already growing in our back yard. I know you don't really care, but I do. We know virtually nothing about trees or plants or foliage and whatever, so imagine my surprise when I noticed this plant/tree thingy in the back yard growing actual LEMONS?!!!! PEOPLE. I AM FROM NEVADA. Produce just doesn't sprout up without consistent blood, sweat, prayers, fasting, rain dances, and tears. I did nothing to deserve this magic. But magic it is.
I took a picture and texted it to Lily and London as a way of trying to coax them in to returning. Look girls! Why continue wanting to stay at your grandparents' houses (complete with unlimited supplies of chocolate milk, candy, dogs, horses, kittens, shopping sprees, no bedtimes, aunts, uncles, water parks, river rides in Pop's canoe) when you could be here, watching a single, hard, small lemon ripen on our little tree in our itty-bitty backyard?!!! I don't understand.

Dying over: Ellie Jane's face expressions. I love to just stare intently at her face as she goes on and on about her day. All I can think is, "How did you get so dang cute?". Lately, she will say, "Aww, thanks Mom. You da best Mom eba {ever}" when I help her with something. She says it with her classic Ellie-Jane smile and twinkly eyes and it ssssslays me. dead. every. time.

Injected with: a Martha Stewart high. It happens every summer. We go on vacation. I splurge on the latest issue of the Martha Stewart mag to take to the beach. Sprawled on my beach towel in the heat of the sun, I decide I want to immediately leave the beach and overhaul my entire existence. I start going on and on and on about repainting our table and making burlap color blocked curtains and baking that plum rhubarb compote oatmeal crumble and building an assortment of coordinated birdhouses which will grow an endless variety of fresh herbs for the brick roasted chicken we will serve with sparkling fennel cucumber water at the summer party we will host for our friends in a barn built in the middle of a wheat field under the paper lanterns made from chinese take-out boxes!!!! It's like I become a walking, talking, pinterest board on steroids. I even made arrangements for craigslist purchases from my phone while on the beach. It's bad. It's really, rrrrrreally bad.

Hoping: you had a great week. And, that I will return to posting more regularly next week. We will see.

Happy Friday!














1 comment:

The Mrs. said...

I just came hoping for some meal planning Monday on your blog. However- this was fun too! I like your randomness 😍 xoxo

I'm currently fasting, praying, rain dancing for my trees that I planted here :(

And I got to see your girls at the water park!! So fun.
Jamee
xoxo