Tuesday, April 14, 2015

a brief confession.

i tossed and turned a couple nights ago, a bit annoyed with myself. a day after posting our house "afters", something inside of me felt a bit icky and awkward. and so, i feel the need to follow up the house post with a confession.

you see, i think there is an by-product of the blogger world and social media. most of the time, i truly believe it is unintentional. i have heard many bloggers offer up this kind of insight before, so i hope this doesn't sound redundant. even if it does, i think it bears repeating.

i think the unintended by-product of the mommy blogging world has been to take good and worthy endeavors and conflate them into a miserable host of trending trends. i mean, have you noticed how parenting is trendy, motherhood is trendy, houses are trendy, children's toys are trendy, shoes are trendy, that weird half-smile pursed lip selfie is trendy, faith posts with happy memes are trendy, even mother flippin' simplicity has become trendy. it's like, a thing, to photograph a spoon sitting on a counter.

please, do not misunderstand me: i am not trying to bash any one of these pursuits. these are good things (except the half-pursed lip smile: enough already.)! i am guilty of them too! i'm not calling for a counter-revolution here. i don't want anyone to stop parenting or buying swedish wooden toys or cease frolicking gayly with their children in ocean waves.

i just wanted to say, that i guess, i am seeing it. and i want to call it out when i see it in myself.
the call to awareness helps me re-center.

i posted my house pics, and gosh guys, i do love my house. i love decorating, i love beauty, i love and obsess over the cultivation of an abundant, fruitful lifestyle. i think God cared a lot about beauty and abundance, and you only need step outside and sniff the air and look around at the nearest tree to see that. but nice things in homes don't make happy homes. pretty pictures and perfectly posed shots aren't actual joy. cute clothes and hair extensions don't do anything to grow your soul. i mean, i think we all know this...but do we really know this? do we really trust this? do i really trust? 

i do. 

but it took me a lot of testing such a hypothesis to see that it is true. and, in my short-sighted humanity, i still often forget.

if you're anything like me, it's like you always think it's the next raise, or the next house, or the perfect spouse, or more square footage, the next child, the better degree, the cooler city, the better body, etc, etc, etc, that will finally make that little adjustment towards true happiness. you just need a few thousand more, right?... or that couch?...or better clothes?...or less weight? or permanent lash extensions (who me? what? don't be silly...ok fine. shame face.)?...or whatever.

i don't know if you've noticed like i have, but as we have slowly achieved a few of our {shamefully never-ending} material goals throughout our life, i've been shocked to notice we really feel pretty much the same.

the wellspring of human happiness doesn't supply its water from where so many of us have been continually lowering down our buckets. if we really think we're going to quench our thirst there, we're just going to get really, really tired arms and thirsty mouths.

so thank you for stopping by and for your sweet comments and emails about our remodel. i love and so appreciate that you love it. if you feel inspired, or like you had fun taking a peek, then i am so glad you stopped in. but, if you felt any of those feelings that i get literally EVERY time i peek into someone else's world...a dull ache or dissatisfaction or comparison...then you tell yourself what i tell myself in my head EVERY time: raeyou stop that shi* right now

your life is already beautiful. 



Eden said...

🙌🙌🙌 I never have any time to read blogs anymore, you know with 4 kids and all haha. But I check daily for a new post from you! I love that you keep it real. :) Eden

Ashley said...

This just hit home. Thanks I needed this in a very bad way! Thanks Rae :)

Kendall K said...

Love that last line! So true!

I have this sign in my house that reads, "It's not the house I love, but the life that is lived here." It's a great reminder everyday that it's about the people not the things in life that matter most!

Lacy said...

Rachel, you are funny. I think every single one of your blog readers knows how humble you are. Your house is INCREDIBLE and you have a true gift of your "vision" of making something cozy and beautiful. Its incredible and admirable. And yes, I do understand that "dull ache" and comparison a bit, but in a good way. When I have a home, and family, I want it to be as warm and cozy as yours!!! And I am calling you to decorate because you have a gift!!! You and Ty have worked really hard at creating your home, space and family. If people read your blog and are jealous, remember THEY CHOSE TO READ IT!! And I highly doubt people read this, and think that you find happiness out of your material possesions. Your humility is admirable though. You remind me of your mom. I am going to be in LA for a few days in June, July, and August. I will make it a POINT to see you. Keep posting pics!!! CONGRATS on your house!!!!! Sooooo exciting!!!!!